And that is why I'm posting it here. Purely selfish reason of wanting to type it out and re-digest it. I've read That Hideous Strength (the third book in the C.S. Lewis space trilogy) before, but it was early on in marriage. There are sections of this book (as I think with most Lewis books) that speak directly to marriage in a way that is probably akin to "convicting" but feels something more positive than that. Of course, me in my prideful quest to attain knowledge of all kinds am often energized when I read something that rings bells of truth. Something that's so solid I can feel it, have surely experienced some aspect of it-likely failing at whatever concept I've come across. This is one of those passages in a "sci-fi" book that speaks to the reality of love in marriage that I imagine most, if not every, married couple comes across. I have said similar things as Jane: "I suppose our marriage was just a mistake". I've felt similar abstract contempt for my husband. And on a few very rare occasions I've heeded to obedience and experienced a growth in love as a result. I wish I was more motivated to repeat that pattern in the moments where the challenge to love him presents itself, but all the motivation in the world seems to fail me more often than not. Anyhow, here it is.
"Child," said the Director, " it is not a question of how you or I look on marriage, but how my Masters look on it."
"Someone said they were very old fashioned. But-"
"That was a joke. They are not old fashioned; but they are very, very old."
"They would never think of finding out first whether Mark and I believed in their ideas of marriage?"
"Well-no," said the Director with a curious smile." No. Quite definitely they wouldn't think of doing that."
"And would it make no difference to them what a marriage was actually like-whether it was a success? Whether the woman loved her husband?"
Jane had not exactly intended to say this; much less to say it in the cheaply pathetic tone with, it now seemed to her, she had used. Hating herself, and fearing the Director's silence, she added, "But I suppose you will say I oughtn't to have told you that."
"My dear child, " said the Director, "you have been telling me that ever since your husband was mentioned."
"Does it make no difference?"
"I suppose," said the Director, it would depened on how he lost your love.
Jane was silent. Though she could not tell the Director the truth, and indeed, did not know it herself, yet when she tried to explore her inarticulate grievance against Mark, a novel sense of her own injustice and even of pity for her husband, arose in her mind. And her heart sank, for now it seemed to her that this conversation, to which she had vaguely looked for some sort of deliverance from all problems was in fact involving her in new ones.
"It was not his fault," she said at last. "I suppose our marriage was just a mistake."
The Director said nothing.
"What would you-what would the people you are talking of-say about a case like that?"
"I will tell you if you really want to know," said the Director.
"Please,"said Jane reluctantly.
"They would say," he answered, "that you do not fail in obedience through lack of love, but have lost love because you never attempted obedience."
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Cauliflower basil pasta
Yep, that sounds weird from the get go. Truly, I think cauliflower is massively underestimated in the vegetable world. It's a superfantastic "filler" veggie that has a mild flavor and willingly takes on the flavors of whatever you cook it with. It contains many of the same nutrients that its relative, broccoli, does, including loads of B vitamins,phosphorus, and potassium. Learn to like it. Not with ranch dip though...that's like putting on a raincoat and then punching holes in it before you go out in the storm.
As usual, I end up creating different foods because I look at the clock and realize it's time to make dinner, and then look in the fridge and realize I'm terrible at meal planning and coordinating grocery shopping with recipes. So...it's a mess of pulling together what I have laying around. Thankfully, fresh and frozen veggies are usually on hand, as well as pasta. The never failing pasta. We alternate between some gluten free multigrain varieties (I'm still working out my frustrating at the gluten allergy trend and truth that I think we shouldn't inhale wheat), whole grain wheat-based, and the basic vegetable infused kind that are multicolored and really flavorful. I had whole grain penne on hand, as well as a 1/4 box of some vegetable infused frilly looking noodle (sorry, I am just fluent in noodle names). I mixed them so we would have leftovers.
Ok I'm sure this sounds like a novella version of a recipe, but please realize I don't measure things, and have to run through the actual process to remember the ingredients because I round them up as I go along. I'll try to be more conventional from here on out.
INGREDIENTS:
olive oil (between 2-4 T I'd say, just have the bottle available to add as you go)
3-5 garlic cloves, minced (depends how much you love garlic...I definitely used 5, though some were small)
white wine (cooking wine for the recipe...though I was drinking white wine while cooking)
15 (ha ok that's an arbitrary guess...but its around there) fresh basil leaves, slightly torn into pieces
cauliflower, cut or broken into smallish pieces without a lot of stem-probably 1 1/2-2 C worth? I
suppose you could use a bag of frozen cauliflower if you wanted to.
1 can of quartered artichoke hearts, mostly drained
sliced black olives (i used canned, and didn't completely drain them)-close to a 1/4 C
1/2 C or so of fresh spinach leaves, torn-feel free to use more of this.
10 or so cherry tomatoes, sliced in half
coarse sea salt-maybe 1/4 teaspoon?
HOW TO:
I began by heating a tablespoon or two of olive oil and adding the garlic. I don't brown the garlic, just pull the flavor out of it. Only takes a minute or two. I added the basil leaves and cauliflower, mixed them around to coat them with the oil (you can add more here...don't worry, it's a healthy fat, and the only fat in this dish!), and then added a small bit of the white wine. Just enough to coat the bottom of the pan to help cook things through and avoid early browning. I let these things simmer, so to say, for several minutes, allowing the basil to flavor the cauliflower and most of the wine to be absorbed. When the cauliflower showed signs of browning (which is good-I like to brown it a small bit) I added the artichokes and olives. The small amount of liquid I included from these two canned items helped to keep things juicy but not soaked. I know, that's not very exact. I added some sea salt around this time and then let this mixture cook for a couple minutes before adding the spinach and cherry tomatoes. I do stir things often to make sure all the veggies are evenly coated and exposed to the basil and garlic. I also added some more olive oil once or twice (small bit at a time, like a tablespoon).
Dishes like this, where the flavor sinks in over time, I like to let set on a super low heat setting for 5 or 10 minutes until the dinner table is set, pasta is cooked, etc.
When your pasta is ready, you only need to coat it with enough olive oil to prevent sticking, or butter or whatever you like to use. I think I sprayed mine with canola and tossed it around a bit. Plop some noodles on a plate, and plop the cauliflower etc mixture on top, and mix, don't mix, whatever works. Add salt and pepper to taste, and learn the potential of cauliflower.
I must admit I'm always slightly nervous that these randomly created dishes won't turn out as well when I try to pass them along as "recipes"...I worry I forgot to list an ingredient I added without thinking or something. So good luck....it's pasta, it can't go all that wrong, right?
As usual, I end up creating different foods because I look at the clock and realize it's time to make dinner, and then look in the fridge and realize I'm terrible at meal planning and coordinating grocery shopping with recipes. So...it's a mess of pulling together what I have laying around. Thankfully, fresh and frozen veggies are usually on hand, as well as pasta. The never failing pasta. We alternate between some gluten free multigrain varieties (I'm still working out my frustrating at the gluten allergy trend and truth that I think we shouldn't inhale wheat), whole grain wheat-based, and the basic vegetable infused kind that are multicolored and really flavorful. I had whole grain penne on hand, as well as a 1/4 box of some vegetable infused frilly looking noodle (sorry, I am just fluent in noodle names). I mixed them so we would have leftovers.
Ok I'm sure this sounds like a novella version of a recipe, but please realize I don't measure things, and have to run through the actual process to remember the ingredients because I round them up as I go along. I'll try to be more conventional from here on out.
INGREDIENTS:
olive oil (between 2-4 T I'd say, just have the bottle available to add as you go)
3-5 garlic cloves, minced (depends how much you love garlic...I definitely used 5, though some were small)
white wine (cooking wine for the recipe...though I was drinking white wine while cooking)
15 (ha ok that's an arbitrary guess...but its around there) fresh basil leaves, slightly torn into pieces
cauliflower, cut or broken into smallish pieces without a lot of stem-probably 1 1/2-2 C worth? I
suppose you could use a bag of frozen cauliflower if you wanted to.
1 can of quartered artichoke hearts, mostly drained
sliced black olives (i used canned, and didn't completely drain them)-close to a 1/4 C
1/2 C or so of fresh spinach leaves, torn-feel free to use more of this.
10 or so cherry tomatoes, sliced in half
coarse sea salt-maybe 1/4 teaspoon?
HOW TO:
I began by heating a tablespoon or two of olive oil and adding the garlic. I don't brown the garlic, just pull the flavor out of it. Only takes a minute or two. I added the basil leaves and cauliflower, mixed them around to coat them with the oil (you can add more here...don't worry, it's a healthy fat, and the only fat in this dish!), and then added a small bit of the white wine. Just enough to coat the bottom of the pan to help cook things through and avoid early browning. I let these things simmer, so to say, for several minutes, allowing the basil to flavor the cauliflower and most of the wine to be absorbed. When the cauliflower showed signs of browning (which is good-I like to brown it a small bit) I added the artichokes and olives. The small amount of liquid I included from these two canned items helped to keep things juicy but not soaked. I know, that's not very exact. I added some sea salt around this time and then let this mixture cook for a couple minutes before adding the spinach and cherry tomatoes. I do stir things often to make sure all the veggies are evenly coated and exposed to the basil and garlic. I also added some more olive oil once or twice (small bit at a time, like a tablespoon).
Dishes like this, where the flavor sinks in over time, I like to let set on a super low heat setting for 5 or 10 minutes until the dinner table is set, pasta is cooked, etc.
When your pasta is ready, you only need to coat it with enough olive oil to prevent sticking, or butter or whatever you like to use. I think I sprayed mine with canola and tossed it around a bit. Plop some noodles on a plate, and plop the cauliflower etc mixture on top, and mix, don't mix, whatever works. Add salt and pepper to taste, and learn the potential of cauliflower.
Ok...it's been over a year...
Well, obviously I'm the world's worst blogger. The reality is I just don't sit still most days anymore because I am not paid to be at a desk. By the time I can sit still, it leads to falling asleep. But alas, I will give this another try due to requests for recipes. I did get somewhat excited about it after making dinner and some interesting cookies today. I'll try to keep that enthusiasm going...maybe once a week or something. I'll rely on the friends who requested this to pester me regularly about it. That should keep me moving....
First up is the cookie recipe. I modified a recipe someone else created, which was originally designed around peanut butter, cranberries and cashews. We avoid peanuts and all tree nuts for my daughter (which may...cross all fingers and pray....actually not be allergic to all tree nuts. we'll find out in a couple of weeks...my mouth waters just thinking about eating almonds again) so I sort of just used the recipe for a base and modified the key ingredients. I must say I have greatly enjoyed the final result. It does produce a relatively cake-like cookie (as opposed to classic chocolate chip cookies that seem weighted down with butter-for the better of course), which may lead to eating more of them because they seem so light...yikes. With all of that unnecessary stuff said, here's what I came up with.
INGREDIENTS:
2 C all purpose flour
1 t baking powder
1/2 t ground cinnamon (I may have used less since I was changing the overall "taste")
1/2 t baking soda
1 C mashed banana (about 2 good sized bananas)
3/4 C brown sugar
1/2 C vegan butter substitute softened but not at room temp (recommend Earth Balance buttery sticks)
1/3 C granulated sugar
1/4 C sunbutter (sunflower seed spread)-this is where you could use whatever nutbutter you can eat
1 T vanilla coconut milk (or any other non-dairy milk)
1 t vanilla
3/4 C non-dairy chocolate chips
1/2 C shredded sweetened coconut
Preheat oven to 350. Combine the first 4 ingredients (helpful to use a whisk to properly sift) and set aside. In a larger bowl, combine the banana, brown sugar, vegan butter, granulated sugar, and sunbutter until smooth (I detest electric mixers so I mixed it by hand, but you could easily use an electric mixer for optimal texture). Mix in the coconut by hand once it's smooth. Add the flour mixture to the wet ingredients and combine, then fold in the chocolate chips.
Do the usual cookie thing from here...drop onto baking sheets, etc. First round took about 14-15 minutes to bake well, second round closer to 13.
The recipe I was "inspired by" suggested storing the cookies in the fridge, so perhaps that would be smart. Mine are sitting on the counter in a Tupperware container as I type this..hm...might have to go eat one and relocate them.
Good luck!
First up is the cookie recipe. I modified a recipe someone else created, which was originally designed around peanut butter, cranberries and cashews. We avoid peanuts and all tree nuts for my daughter (which may...cross all fingers and pray....actually not be allergic to all tree nuts. we'll find out in a couple of weeks...my mouth waters just thinking about eating almonds again) so I sort of just used the recipe for a base and modified the key ingredients. I must say I have greatly enjoyed the final result. It does produce a relatively cake-like cookie (as opposed to classic chocolate chip cookies that seem weighted down with butter-for the better of course), which may lead to eating more of them because they seem so light...yikes. With all of that unnecessary stuff said, here's what I came up with.
INGREDIENTS:
2 C all purpose flour
1 t baking powder
1/2 t ground cinnamon (I may have used less since I was changing the overall "taste")
1/2 t baking soda
1 C mashed banana (about 2 good sized bananas)
3/4 C brown sugar
1/2 C vegan butter substitute softened but not at room temp (recommend Earth Balance buttery sticks)
1/3 C granulated sugar
1/4 C sunbutter (sunflower seed spread)-this is where you could use whatever nutbutter you can eat
1 T vanilla coconut milk (or any other non-dairy milk)
1 t vanilla
3/4 C non-dairy chocolate chips
1/2 C shredded sweetened coconut
Preheat oven to 350. Combine the first 4 ingredients (helpful to use a whisk to properly sift) and set aside. In a larger bowl, combine the banana, brown sugar, vegan butter, granulated sugar, and sunbutter until smooth (I detest electric mixers so I mixed it by hand, but you could easily use an electric mixer for optimal texture). Mix in the coconut by hand once it's smooth. Add the flour mixture to the wet ingredients and combine, then fold in the chocolate chips.
Do the usual cookie thing from here...drop onto baking sheets, etc. First round took about 14-15 minutes to bake well, second round closer to 13.
The recipe I was "inspired by" suggested storing the cookies in the fridge, so perhaps that would be smart. Mine are sitting on the counter in a Tupperware container as I type this..hm...might have to go eat one and relocate them.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Best Banana Cake
I blame the dessert obsession on Jonathan (and his entire family!). However, I post a lot of dessert recipes because it's a "food category" that is inevitably loaded with milk and eggs, so we nearly always have to make them from scratch if we're looking to keep things Amaris safe. I know I'm supposed to post dinner ideas, but I guess I'm lazy with it because we don't make many "casseroles" or complicated dishes, so I forget to post simple things. I'll get on it eventually. Anyhow, this is a superb banana cake. I have strayed away from the vegan cream cheese icing recipes because I just don't think it turns out quite as well, so that may not be appealing to some since "traditionally" banana cake is iced with cream cheese icing. We mainly use homemade butter cream varieties, or if I am short on time (and butter), we'll buy a tub of the premade stuff by Pillsbury-many, many of these varieties are made without milk products. They're soy-based. With that said...this cake is fantastic, and would've been gone within 2 days at our house if Jonathan didn't leave a knife in the cake box that he had used to mince garlic with...I cannot handle garlic butter cream icing. He, however, did not seem deterred...I maintain, the dessert habits of our house hold are entirely his fault.
INGREDIENTS
2 1/4 C all-purpose flour (I don't suggest "healthifying" this one with whole wheat flour. suck it up...dessert just isn't super healthful)
2 t baking powder
3/4 t cinnamon
1/2 t baking soda
1 C mashed ripe bananas (about 2 decent sized)
1/2 C vegan butter substitute at room temperature (I highly recommend Earth Balance Buttery sticks)
1 1/2 C granulated sugar
1 C soymilk (I may have used vanilla here, not sure)
2 t white vinegar
1 t vanilla extract
DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 350. Oil and flour 2 8-inch cake pans. Combine flour, baking powder, cinnamon, and baking soda in a bowl. In a separate, larger bowl, combine bananas and butter substitute, beat until creamy (either electric or by hand). Add sugar and beat until fluffy. Beat in soymilk, vinegar and vanilla. Add flour mixture and stir until just combined-don't overmix! Pour evenly into cake pans. Bake for 30 minutes or until top is golden brown, toothpick comes out clean. Cool completely before icing.
This is the buttercream icing recipe I used:
1 3/4-2 C powdered sugar
1/2 C vegan butter substitute softened, but not at room temperature
1 t vanilla
a few teaspooons of non dairy milk to create the texture you're looking for
combine all ingredients and beat with electric mixer until fluffy, or throw it into a food processer (this is what the recipe suggests, though I have never done it...I go the electric mixer route). Note-I mess around with these quantities to create the texture and taste I'm looking for...so don't be too fussy about the exact measurements of ingredients here.
This icing is pretty firm, so I would suggest either making it right before you want to ice and eat the cake, or if you're making it ahead and refrigerating it (I usually do), let it set out at room temperature for a bit and then fluff it up (just by hand, with a spatula or something) before you start to ice the cake. Many of the vegan icing recipes don't hold up well for days on end, but this one was fine. We didn't refrigerate it either. You could try to use the cream cheese recipe I have posted with the carrot cake recipe...in which case you would be dealing with refrigeration.
INGREDIENTS
2 1/4 C all-purpose flour (I don't suggest "healthifying" this one with whole wheat flour. suck it up...dessert just isn't super healthful)
2 t baking powder
3/4 t cinnamon
1/2 t baking soda
1 C mashed ripe bananas (about 2 decent sized)
1/2 C vegan butter substitute at room temperature (I highly recommend Earth Balance Buttery sticks)
1 1/2 C granulated sugar
1 C soymilk (I may have used vanilla here, not sure)
2 t white vinegar
1 t vanilla extract
DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 350. Oil and flour 2 8-inch cake pans. Combine flour, baking powder, cinnamon, and baking soda in a bowl. In a separate, larger bowl, combine bananas and butter substitute, beat until creamy (either electric or by hand). Add sugar and beat until fluffy. Beat in soymilk, vinegar and vanilla. Add flour mixture and stir until just combined-don't overmix! Pour evenly into cake pans. Bake for 30 minutes or until top is golden brown, toothpick comes out clean. Cool completely before icing.
This is the buttercream icing recipe I used:
1 3/4-2 C powdered sugar
1/2 C vegan butter substitute softened, but not at room temperature
1 t vanilla
a few teaspooons of non dairy milk to create the texture you're looking for
combine all ingredients and beat with electric mixer until fluffy, or throw it into a food processer (this is what the recipe suggests, though I have never done it...I go the electric mixer route). Note-I mess around with these quantities to create the texture and taste I'm looking for...so don't be too fussy about the exact measurements of ingredients here.
This icing is pretty firm, so I would suggest either making it right before you want to ice and eat the cake, or if you're making it ahead and refrigerating it (I usually do), let it set out at room temperature for a bit and then fluff it up (just by hand, with a spatula or something) before you start to ice the cake. Many of the vegan icing recipes don't hold up well for days on end, but this one was fine. We didn't refrigerate it either. You could try to use the cream cheese recipe I have posted with the carrot cake recipe...in which case you would be dealing with refrigeration.
Amazing Pancakes
Breakfast may very well be our favorite meal of the day. We used to enjoy going out for omelets, french toast, pancakes, whatever. I still miss Nudy's Cafe near Eastern. Unfortunately, breakfast is definitely the most impossible meal to make "Amaris-safe". Eggs and milk are everywhere, in everything. We've found some acceptable recipes for pancakes and vegan french toast and the like, but I will be honest, they were not all that fantastic. This one, however, is perfect...could seriously sit in the place of a stack of buttermilk pancakes from a classy downtown breakfast cafe. We don't frequent Ihop or Waffle House so I can't use them as a comparison, but I'm guessing if you're up for cooking your own pancakes from scratch you likely are not big Ihop fans to begin with.
Obviously, they are best fresh, but if you let them cool completely and store them in an airtight container, they'll still be wonderful the next day-heat them up briefly in the microwave and them pop them in the toaster for a short bit to make keep some of the crispiness (unless you like them totally floppy and soft....). NOTE-this recipe uses Ener-G Egg Replacer powder. You can find it online easily, or at Wegmans, likely other places. It's very handy in scratch recipes, so if you're making the switch to egg-free baking, buy it.
INGREDIENTS:
2 C flour (your choice....I mix 1 C each of all-purpose and whole wheat)
3 t baking powder
1/2 t salt
1/2 t cinnamon (I'm pretty sure I used more than this...just dumped it in)
3 t Ener-G Egg Replacer mixed with 4 T non-dairy milk
1 3/4 C non-dairy milk (I used vanilla soymilk)
2 t honey (pretty sure I used more than this as well)
2 T safflower oil (or another mildly flavored vegetable oil, like canola)
Sift together the first 4 ingredients. In a separate bowl, whisk together the wet ingredients (helps to mix the egg replacer bit separately to ensure that the powder is evenly mixed in and there are no chunks). Add wet ingredients to dry-if you think it's too thin, add a bit of flour, or likewise, too thick, add a bit of milk. Do not over mix this, just try to eliminate chunks of flour. Cook pancakes immediately on a lightly oiled hot griddle. Between 350-375 degrees is fine. Give them some time-check for bubbles around the edges before you flip them. They should rise pretty significantly when flipped-I was impressed with how light and fluffy they turned out...haven't had such great luck with that in all the other vegan pancake recipes.
You can add pieces of fruit to this as well, just like you would with "normal" pancake mix.
Obviously, they are best fresh, but if you let them cool completely and store them in an airtight container, they'll still be wonderful the next day-heat them up briefly in the microwave and them pop them in the toaster for a short bit to make keep some of the crispiness (unless you like them totally floppy and soft....). NOTE-this recipe uses Ener-G Egg Replacer powder. You can find it online easily, or at Wegmans, likely other places. It's very handy in scratch recipes, so if you're making the switch to egg-free baking, buy it.
INGREDIENTS:
2 C flour (your choice....I mix 1 C each of all-purpose and whole wheat)
3 t baking powder
1/2 t salt
1/2 t cinnamon (I'm pretty sure I used more than this...just dumped it in)
3 t Ener-G Egg Replacer mixed with 4 T non-dairy milk
1 3/4 C non-dairy milk (I used vanilla soymilk)
2 t honey (pretty sure I used more than this as well)
2 T safflower oil (or another mildly flavored vegetable oil, like canola)
Sift together the first 4 ingredients. In a separate bowl, whisk together the wet ingredients (helps to mix the egg replacer bit separately to ensure that the powder is evenly mixed in and there are no chunks). Add wet ingredients to dry-if you think it's too thin, add a bit of flour, or likewise, too thick, add a bit of milk. Do not over mix this, just try to eliminate chunks of flour. Cook pancakes immediately on a lightly oiled hot griddle. Between 350-375 degrees is fine. Give them some time-check for bubbles around the edges before you flip them. They should rise pretty significantly when flipped-I was impressed with how light and fluffy they turned out...haven't had such great luck with that in all the other vegan pancake recipes.
You can add pieces of fruit to this as well, just like you would with "normal" pancake mix.
Monday, March 7, 2011
More Recipes
I promised Jonathan I would try to post what we eat for dinner several nights a week, which will help give ideas to those who ask us what on earth they could make for us that is safe for Amaris. He discussed earlier what she ate...we were entertained that she could not get enough of the brussels sprouts. It may, however, be how they were cooked, as we found them wonderfully tasty as well.
So...here are a few favorites. Not to be picky, but really, we have to be-if you are cooking something that Amaris-or anyone with allergies is going to eat for that matter-take special care to ensure that all of your baking pans, utensils, etc are totally clean. We keep separate pans for things that will contain allergens, which is obviously unrealistic for those who don't have someone with allergies living in the house, but it's a serious issue.
Roasted Brussels sprouts, Amaris approved:
Fresh Brussels sprouts (I'm sure you could use frozen, but you must thaw them completely first)
Olive oil (several tablespoons at least)
Sea Salt
Fresh Ground Black Pepper
Super simple....put the brussels sprouts in a bowl, coat in olive oil. Sprinkle sea salt to (mostly) coat, mix a bit more. Pour into baking dish, sprinkle with black pepper. Bake at 400 degrees for 30-40 minutes. Turn them over every now and then so they're evenly roasted.
"Mexican" Night
Menu: veggie fajitas, black beans, guacamole
Black Beans
1 Can black beans
1 or 2 tablespoons of olive oil
2 cloves of garlic chopped
a few tablespoons of sweet onion, chopped
fresh or dried cilantro....to taste, basically. i probably use a 1/2 t dried
Adobo seasoning (maybe a teaspoon or so? again, to taste)
chili powder-small bit of this only
Heat the garlic and onion in the olive oil until onions are soft, not quite brown. Slightly drain the black beans and add to the garlic and onion. add spices and simmer for 10-15 minutes at least. I like to let these sit on low while the rest of the meal cooks, so the beans are really soft and the flavors meld together well. Sometimes I'll crush the beans a little bit, not completely-like refried, but enough to thicken the consistency. These are great plain or thrown into fajitas.
Veggie Fajitas
olive oil
2-3 cloves garlic chopped
Mixed pepper strips
Onions-sliced into strips
Corn
Zucchini-sliced
Spinach-chopped
Really, you can use whatever vegetables you prefer. I mix it up all the time. The above are some that we always enjoy. Heat the garlic in olive oil. Add peppers, onions and zucchini. Give these a head start to soften before you add the mushrooms, corn and spinach. You can let this cook to your liking-some people like their vegetables super soft, some like them more crisp. No rocket science or secrets really. We serve these in tortillas along with guacamole, sometimes beans, and salsa.
Guacamole
I wish I had this measured out exactly, but sadly, I don't. You will have to experiment and fix it to your taste. When made with 2 avocados, there are no leftovers between Jonathan, Amaris and myself. Granted, we love this stuff, so it might go farther for you. At any rate, it's a flexible recipe, and I would suggest doubling it for 5 or more people, unless you're just using it as a dip option for chips.
2 avocados
1/2 medium tomato diced
2 decent sized cloves of garlic
fresh or dried cilantro (fresh is best)-my guess on this is about a 1/2 teaspoon
cumin (again, a guess...maybe a teaspoon?)
Adobo, to taste
lemon juice (maybe a table spoon?)
dash of chili powder
Cut the avocados in half. Use the knife to peel out the pits-save these, because if you do have leftovers, put the pits back into the guacamole to store it because they act like a natural preservative. Use a tablespoon to scoop out the fruit and put into a bowl. Mash the avocados (best done with a metal mashing utensil as opposed to a fork). If you've chosen perfectly ripe avocados the consistency should be creamy, but it's not a bad thing if it's a bit chunky, either. Add all of the other ingredients and mix very thoroughly. From here, it's just "taste testing" and adding spices to your likeness. Sometimes I'll add some sea salt, or substitute lime juice for the lemon, etc.
Fudgy Brownie Cake
Had to add another dessert-made this one tonight and it's fantastic.
Ingredients:
1 1/2 C flour
1/3 C cocoa powder
1 C sugar
1/2 t salt
1 t baking soda
1/2 C safflower oil
2 T white vinegar (or cider vinegar)
2 t vanilla
2 C water
Preheat over to 350. Grease and flour an 8-inch pan. Sift together flour, cocoa powder, sugar, salt and baking soda. Add oil, vinegar, vanilla, and water. Mix gently, enough to get rid of the large lumps, but not vigorously. Pour into pan and bake for 3o minutes or until toothpick comes out clean.
So...here are a few favorites. Not to be picky, but really, we have to be-if you are cooking something that Amaris-or anyone with allergies is going to eat for that matter-take special care to ensure that all of your baking pans, utensils, etc are totally clean. We keep separate pans for things that will contain allergens, which is obviously unrealistic for those who don't have someone with allergies living in the house, but it's a serious issue.
Roasted Brussels sprouts, Amaris approved:
Fresh Brussels sprouts (I'm sure you could use frozen, but you must thaw them completely first)
Olive oil (several tablespoons at least)
Sea Salt
Fresh Ground Black Pepper
Super simple....put the brussels sprouts in a bowl, coat in olive oil. Sprinkle sea salt to (mostly) coat, mix a bit more. Pour into baking dish, sprinkle with black pepper. Bake at 400 degrees for 30-40 minutes. Turn them over every now and then so they're evenly roasted.
"Mexican" Night
Menu: veggie fajitas, black beans, guacamole
Black Beans
1 Can black beans
1 or 2 tablespoons of olive oil
2 cloves of garlic chopped
a few tablespoons of sweet onion, chopped
fresh or dried cilantro....to taste, basically. i probably use a 1/2 t dried
Adobo seasoning (maybe a teaspoon or so? again, to taste)
chili powder-small bit of this only
Heat the garlic and onion in the olive oil until onions are soft, not quite brown. Slightly drain the black beans and add to the garlic and onion. add spices and simmer for 10-15 minutes at least. I like to let these sit on low while the rest of the meal cooks, so the beans are really soft and the flavors meld together well. Sometimes I'll crush the beans a little bit, not completely-like refried, but enough to thicken the consistency. These are great plain or thrown into fajitas.
Veggie Fajitas
olive oil
2-3 cloves garlic chopped
Mixed pepper strips
Onions-sliced into strips
Corn
Zucchini-sliced
Spinach-chopped
Really, you can use whatever vegetables you prefer. I mix it up all the time. The above are some that we always enjoy. Heat the garlic in olive oil. Add peppers, onions and zucchini. Give these a head start to soften before you add the mushrooms, corn and spinach. You can let this cook to your liking-some people like their vegetables super soft, some like them more crisp. No rocket science or secrets really. We serve these in tortillas along with guacamole, sometimes beans, and salsa.
Guacamole
I wish I had this measured out exactly, but sadly, I don't. You will have to experiment and fix it to your taste. When made with 2 avocados, there are no leftovers between Jonathan, Amaris and myself. Granted, we love this stuff, so it might go farther for you. At any rate, it's a flexible recipe, and I would suggest doubling it for 5 or more people, unless you're just using it as a dip option for chips.
2 avocados
1/2 medium tomato diced
2 decent sized cloves of garlic
fresh or dried cilantro (fresh is best)-my guess on this is about a 1/2 teaspoon
cumin (again, a guess...maybe a teaspoon?)
Adobo, to taste
lemon juice (maybe a table spoon?)
dash of chili powder
Cut the avocados in half. Use the knife to peel out the pits-save these, because if you do have leftovers, put the pits back into the guacamole to store it because they act like a natural preservative. Use a tablespoon to scoop out the fruit and put into a bowl. Mash the avocados (best done with a metal mashing utensil as opposed to a fork). If you've chosen perfectly ripe avocados the consistency should be creamy, but it's not a bad thing if it's a bit chunky, either. Add all of the other ingredients and mix very thoroughly. From here, it's just "taste testing" and adding spices to your likeness. Sometimes I'll add some sea salt, or substitute lime juice for the lemon, etc.
Fudgy Brownie Cake
Had to add another dessert-made this one tonight and it's fantastic.
Ingredients:
1 1/2 C flour
1/3 C cocoa powder
1 C sugar
1/2 t salt
1 t baking soda
1/2 C safflower oil
2 T white vinegar (or cider vinegar)
2 t vanilla
2 C water
Preheat over to 350. Grease and flour an 8-inch pan. Sift together flour, cocoa powder, sugar, salt and baking soda. Add oil, vinegar, vanilla, and water. Mix gently, enough to get rid of the large lumps, but not vigorously. Pour into pan and bake for 3o minutes or until toothpick comes out clean.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Recipes
The zucchini bread recipe I tried this evening produced fantastically tasty results, which reminded me that people are often asking me for "Amaris friendly" or "vegan" recipes I have enjoyed. SO...I thought maybe the easiest way to spread the cheer was to post them on here. A few things you should know about most of these recipes (the cooking more so than baking recipes anyhow):
(1) If you are making any of these for an individual who is allergic to any of the above items, it's also imperative that you do have thoroughly cleaned all utensils, measuring cups, baking/cooking pans, etc. before you begin. Cross-contamination is one of the biggest ways that allergens end up in food. Also-triple check your ingredients because sometimes things will be made on shared equipment, which means they may contain allergens.
(2) Sometimes these recipes take some time to perfect. I have written them exactly as I have made them, in their most successful form, so they should work, but everyone does things slightly differently somehow so be patient. You will find some baking recipes require more bake-time than you're used to, or are baked at lower temperatures. If something looks strange in the directions, it's not a misprint (hopefully!), just go with it.
(3) I have included notes where I have changed ingredients simply based on taste preference. I don't know how it will taste if you use the original ingredients since I omitted them, but I'm sure they'll be fine since that is how they were originally written.
I will probably include other notes as we go along...for now...here they are
ZUCCHINI BREAD
Makes 2 5x9 loaves. Grease pans, preheat oven to 325.
Ingredients:
-4 1/2 t Ener-G Egg Replacer powder mixed with 6 T water
-1 C canola oil (*when I made this, I split the recipe to make 1 loaf, and accidentally used 1/2 C oil and 1/2 C applesauce...the bread was super moist and tasty, SO, you could double that mistake if you want similar results)
-2 C sugar
-3 t vanilla
-3 C flour (*original recipe calls for 1 1/2 C oat flour and 1 1/2 C millet flour. I used 1 C white whole wheat and 1/2 C all purpose)
-1 t salt
-1 t baking soda
-3 t cinnamon
- 1/4 t baking powder
-2 C grated zucchini
*-optional 2 C vegan chocolate chips or carob chips (I didn't use this)
In a large bowl, beat egg replacer mixture, oil, sugar and vanilla together. In separate bowl, sift flour(s), salt, baking soda, cinnamon, and baking powder, then beat this into the wet mixture 1/2 C at a time. Add grated zucchini (and choco chips if using them). Pour batter into the 2 greased pans. bake for 60-90 minutes , or until tops are golden brown and a knife inserted comes in clean. Cool in loaf pans.
CHOCOLATE CHIPPERS
Ingredients:
2 C all purpose flour
1/2 t baking soda
1/4 t salt
1 C vegan butter substitute, softened (*Earth Balance buttery sticks are great)
3/4 C brown sugar
1/3 C granulated sugar
1/3 C plus 1T applesauce
2 T nondairy milk (*I've used vanilla soymilk)
2 t vanilla (*original recipe calls for 1 t vanilla and 1 t almond extract. I omitted the almond and used 2 t vanilla instead)
1 to 1 1/4 C non-dairy chocolate chips (easier to find than you think)
* you can add nuts if you're not worried about the allergy aspect, 1 C of whatever you like
Preheat oven to 350. Combine flour, baking soda, and salt in a bowl. In a separate large bowl, combine the vegan butter, brown sugar, granulated sugar, and beat with a wooden spoon until fluffy. beat in the applesauce, milk and extracts. Add flour mixture and stir to combine. Stir in chocolate chips (and nuts if using them). if dough is soft, refrigerate for 20 minutes. Drop in balls onto baking sheets and bake for about 16 minutes. Makes about 30 cookies.
FUDGY CHIP COOKIES
Ingredients:
2 1/4 C all purpose flour
1/2 C unsweetened cocoa powder
1 t baking powder
1 1/2 C granulated sugar
1 C vegan butter softened, at room temperature
1/2 C soymilk
2 t vanilla
1 C nondairy chocolate chips
(2/3 C nuts optional)
Preheat oven to 350. Sift flour, cocoa powder, and baking powder into a bowl. In a separate large bowl, combine the sugar and vegan butter and beat with a wooden spoon until creamy. beat in soymilk and vanilla. Add flour mixture and stir to combine. Stir in chocolate chips (and nuts, if using). Drop onto baking sheets and bake about 15 minutes. Cookies might not look as done as other cookies, and they won't be firm or dry. Don't overbake them.
CARROT CAKE
This cake is actually best the day after, and the icing is best the day after, too.
Ingredients:
2 1/4 all purpose flour
2 t baking powder
1 t baking soda
2 t pumpkin pie spice
2 t cinnamon
1/2 t salt
1/2 C oil
1/2 C brown sugar, packed
1/2 C sugar
2 C finely grated carrots
1 C applesauce
1/3 C vanilla soymilk (or coconut milk works well here, too)
1 t vanilla
1/3 C raisins
(optional 1/3 C walnuts, if not making for nut allergy)
Preheat oven to 350. Grase and flour sides and bottoms of 2 9-inch cake pans (it's recommended to line bottoms with parchment paper, but I never have this, never have done it, and have had perfectly fine results without it).
In a small bowl, combine flour, baking powder, baking soda, pumpkin pie spice, cinnamon and salt. In a large bowl, combin oil, sugar, and brown sugar. Add carrots, applesauce, soymilk, and vanilla, and mix well. Add dry ingredients to wet in two batches, then stir in raisins (and nuts) until just mixed. Divide batter between 2 pans.
Bake 25-28 minutes, until cakes are golden and toothpick comes out clean. cook on a cooling rack for 20 minutes. once completely cooled, frost with cream cheese frosting recipe below. I have used Pillsbury white frosting when I didn't feel like making the vegan cream cheese, and it tasted fine, though not the "classic" carrot cake cream cheese combo.
Cream Cheese Icing
1 8-ounce container soy cream cheese at room temperature
1/4 C vegan butter substitute
1 t vanilla
2 to 2 1/2 C sifted powdered sugar
In a large bowl with an electric hand mixer, cream together cream cheese, vegan butter, and vanilla on medium speed. Add powdered sugar and blend to desired taste and thickness (more sugar= stiffer frosting). This recipe is enough to frost top, sides and middle of the whole carrot cake.
OK im sick of typing for one sitting...gets boring even when watching The Office. SO, that's enough for today. I'll add more later.
(1) If you are making any of these for an individual who is allergic to any of the above items, it's also imperative that you do have thoroughly cleaned all utensils, measuring cups, baking/cooking pans, etc. before you begin. Cross-contamination is one of the biggest ways that allergens end up in food. Also-triple check your ingredients because sometimes things will be made on shared equipment, which means they may contain allergens.
(2) Sometimes these recipes take some time to perfect. I have written them exactly as I have made them, in their most successful form, so they should work, but everyone does things slightly differently somehow so be patient. You will find some baking recipes require more bake-time than you're used to, or are baked at lower temperatures. If something looks strange in the directions, it's not a misprint (hopefully!), just go with it.
(3) I have included notes where I have changed ingredients simply based on taste preference. I don't know how it will taste if you use the original ingredients since I omitted them, but I'm sure they'll be fine since that is how they were originally written.
I will probably include other notes as we go along...for now...here they are
ZUCCHINI BREAD
Makes 2 5x9 loaves. Grease pans, preheat oven to 325.
Ingredients:
-4 1/2 t Ener-G Egg Replacer powder mixed with 6 T water
-1 C canola oil (*when I made this, I split the recipe to make 1 loaf, and accidentally used 1/2 C oil and 1/2 C applesauce...the bread was super moist and tasty, SO, you could double that mistake if you want similar results)
-2 C sugar
-3 t vanilla
-3 C flour (*original recipe calls for 1 1/2 C oat flour and 1 1/2 C millet flour. I used 1 C white whole wheat and 1/2 C all purpose)
-1 t salt
-1 t baking soda
-3 t cinnamon
- 1/4 t baking powder
-2 C grated zucchini
*-optional 2 C vegan chocolate chips or carob chips (I didn't use this)
In a large bowl, beat egg replacer mixture, oil, sugar and vanilla together. In separate bowl, sift flour(s), salt, baking soda, cinnamon, and baking powder, then beat this into the wet mixture 1/2 C at a time. Add grated zucchini (and choco chips if using them). Pour batter into the 2 greased pans. bake for 60-90 minutes , or until tops are golden brown and a knife inserted comes in clean. Cool in loaf pans.
CHOCOLATE CHIPPERS
Ingredients:
2 C all purpose flour
1/2 t baking soda
1/4 t salt
1 C vegan butter substitute, softened (*Earth Balance buttery sticks are great)
3/4 C brown sugar
1/3 C granulated sugar
1/3 C plus 1T applesauce
2 T nondairy milk (*I've used vanilla soymilk)
2 t vanilla (*original recipe calls for 1 t vanilla and 1 t almond extract. I omitted the almond and used 2 t vanilla instead)
1 to 1 1/4 C non-dairy chocolate chips (easier to find than you think)
* you can add nuts if you're not worried about the allergy aspect, 1 C of whatever you like
Preheat oven to 350. Combine flour, baking soda, and salt in a bowl. In a separate large bowl, combine the vegan butter, brown sugar, granulated sugar, and beat with a wooden spoon until fluffy. beat in the applesauce, milk and extracts. Add flour mixture and stir to combine. Stir in chocolate chips (and nuts if using them). if dough is soft, refrigerate for 20 minutes. Drop in balls onto baking sheets and bake for about 16 minutes. Makes about 30 cookies.
FUDGY CHIP COOKIES
Ingredients:
2 1/4 C all purpose flour
1/2 C unsweetened cocoa powder
1 t baking powder
1 1/2 C granulated sugar
1 C vegan butter softened, at room temperature
1/2 C soymilk
2 t vanilla
1 C nondairy chocolate chips
(2/3 C nuts optional)
Preheat oven to 350. Sift flour, cocoa powder, and baking powder into a bowl. In a separate large bowl, combine the sugar and vegan butter and beat with a wooden spoon until creamy. beat in soymilk and vanilla. Add flour mixture and stir to combine. Stir in chocolate chips (and nuts, if using). Drop onto baking sheets and bake about 15 minutes. Cookies might not look as done as other cookies, and they won't be firm or dry. Don't overbake them.
CARROT CAKE
This cake is actually best the day after, and the icing is best the day after, too.
Ingredients:
2 1/4 all purpose flour
2 t baking powder
1 t baking soda
2 t pumpkin pie spice
2 t cinnamon
1/2 t salt
1/2 C oil
1/2 C brown sugar, packed
1/2 C sugar
2 C finely grated carrots
1 C applesauce
1/3 C vanilla soymilk (or coconut milk works well here, too)
1 t vanilla
1/3 C raisins
(optional 1/3 C walnuts, if not making for nut allergy)
Preheat oven to 350. Grase and flour sides and bottoms of 2 9-inch cake pans (it's recommended to line bottoms with parchment paper, but I never have this, never have done it, and have had perfectly fine results without it).
In a small bowl, combine flour, baking powder, baking soda, pumpkin pie spice, cinnamon and salt. In a large bowl, combin oil, sugar, and brown sugar. Add carrots, applesauce, soymilk, and vanilla, and mix well. Add dry ingredients to wet in two batches, then stir in raisins (and nuts) until just mixed. Divide batter between 2 pans.
Bake 25-28 minutes, until cakes are golden and toothpick comes out clean. cook on a cooling rack for 20 minutes. once completely cooled, frost with cream cheese frosting recipe below. I have used Pillsbury white frosting when I didn't feel like making the vegan cream cheese, and it tasted fine, though not the "classic" carrot cake cream cheese combo.
Cream Cheese Icing
1 8-ounce container soy cream cheese at room temperature
1/4 C vegan butter substitute
1 t vanilla
2 to 2 1/2 C sifted powdered sugar
In a large bowl with an electric hand mixer, cream together cream cheese, vegan butter, and vanilla on medium speed. Add powdered sugar and blend to desired taste and thickness (more sugar= stiffer frosting). This recipe is enough to frost top, sides and middle of the whole carrot cake.
OK im sick of typing for one sitting...gets boring even when watching The Office. SO, that's enough for today. I'll add more later.
Ready
I think I am finally ready for the second child. At first, it seemed as if it would be impossible and crazy, but time has passed and it is clear that it is time. Little Soren will have a playmate from day one and Amaris will be pleased to turn into a teacher.
It is only 60 days from the due date and even though that is not far, it seems far off all at once. You wait and wait for a child, but to look at 60 days is still intimidating. Days continually pass and months go by, but waiting for a child can make the earth seem to stand still. Though it is a worthwhile wait. It forces you to stop and think and reflect, consider, and analyze what has been done and remember what still needs to be done. 60 days. Soren is going to be here soon.
A name really does mean so much, but then again, it still has to have a strong upbringing behind it.
A name doesn't make the person. Rather a person makes the name.
We can all think of people we would never name our children after because of kids we grow up with just as the opposite of that is true. Soren will be a "good communicator" and possibly even a little "stern", but it will have little to do with his "name" and much more to do with how he is taught and will grow.
It is only 60 days from the due date and even though that is not far, it seems far off all at once. You wait and wait for a child, but to look at 60 days is still intimidating. Days continually pass and months go by, but waiting for a child can make the earth seem to stand still. Though it is a worthwhile wait. It forces you to stop and think and reflect, consider, and analyze what has been done and remember what still needs to be done. 60 days. Soren is going to be here soon.
A name really does mean so much, but then again, it still has to have a strong upbringing behind it.
A name doesn't make the person. Rather a person makes the name.
We can all think of people we would never name our children after because of kids we grow up with just as the opposite of that is true. Soren will be a "good communicator" and possibly even a little "stern", but it will have little to do with his "name" and much more to do with how he is taught and will grow.
Monday, January 10, 2011
grace and childbirth
There is so much going on in the beginning of creation. Man and woman making poor choices and God figuring out a away to still let them live. There are so many questions that don't really need to be delved into to a certain extent and some of course that are worth asking, but in the end it eventually will lead back to you asking yourself, "Did I create the heavens and the earth?" and if your answer is yes, then well you don't believe anyway. That was a tangent. Sorry.
What I was trying to say was this:
God gives us consequences because He loves us. At least during that time before we are able to see the big picture, which eventually we see and he shows his insane love for us in giving His Son. Ok still tangent-ing. Back to it, disciplining because He loves us. That is a simple concept, I discipline Amaris and eventually our son because I love them. It's not always easy; maybe why that's why parents don't discipline, but I know it's good. I know it will help them develop into better people, but I always hope to do it in a loving way which helps them understand there is something better.
All of that to say, it is crazy what happens after the forbidden fruit:
[16] To the woman he said,
“I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing;
in pain you shall bring forth children.
(Genesis 3:16a, ESV)
Now obviously if you are a woman, well then this sucks. It sucks for guys too, it's just not the pain part. It's more in the watching pain and all those crazy things. But God doesn't just give us the pain in childbirth. There is more going on here.
He makes women need to wake up about 543,803,408 times per a night to pee as well as "hold" their bladder throughout the day because He loves us (well us as in women). Because even for those people who do not take care of themselves the way God intended, it helps women develop the muscles necessary for childbirth (the pushing part). This is a beautiful thing, this is grace being shown to us. It could be that the pain is insane and there is no help. That is not God. There is help, it is shown in the months leading up to having the child. God does not leave us alone. He never intends for us to go at it alone. The other beautiful thing about getting up so many times during the night is pretty simple, it prepares you for the 15 feedings per a night (not really 15, if you are feeding your kid 15 times, email my wife and I, we will help you give you a plan, at least a sort of plan).
What I was trying to say was this:
God gives us consequences because He loves us. At least during that time before we are able to see the big picture, which eventually we see and he shows his insane love for us in giving His Son. Ok still tangent-ing. Back to it, disciplining because He loves us. That is a simple concept, I discipline Amaris and eventually our son because I love them. It's not always easy; maybe why that's why parents don't discipline, but I know it's good. I know it will help them develop into better people, but I always hope to do it in a loving way which helps them understand there is something better.
All of that to say, it is crazy what happens after the forbidden fruit:
[16] To the woman he said,
“I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing;
in pain you shall bring forth children.
(Genesis 3:16a, ESV)
Now obviously if you are a woman, well then this sucks. It sucks for guys too, it's just not the pain part. It's more in the watching pain and all those crazy things. But God doesn't just give us the pain in childbirth. There is more going on here.
He makes women need to wake up about 543,803,408 times per a night to pee as well as "hold" their bladder throughout the day because He loves us (well us as in women). Because even for those people who do not take care of themselves the way God intended, it helps women develop the muscles necessary for childbirth (the pushing part). This is a beautiful thing, this is grace being shown to us. It could be that the pain is insane and there is no help. That is not God. There is help, it is shown in the months leading up to having the child. God does not leave us alone. He never intends for us to go at it alone. The other beautiful thing about getting up so many times during the night is pretty simple, it prepares you for the 15 feedings per a night (not really 15, if you are feeding your kid 15 times, email my wife and I, we will help you give you a plan, at least a sort of plan).
Thursday, January 6, 2011
personal written wedding vows
I am mainly putting this online because it can be pulled up from anywhere and possibly a guide for those of you who are (wisely I believe) writing your own. My wife and I decided to write our own and sat down for a multiple hour session and brainstormed what we wanted in them.
My wife is a bit of more gifted writer, so she did a little bit more than me in organizing our thoughts. In the end we decided to have the same beginning couple sentences, different middle, and the same final sentence. For some reason that makes sense to me to have the same beginning and ending and it helped having some commonality as well.
Vows are something that are incredibly deep. CS lewis often talks about how it is like losing a limb to break them, probably worse. I believe that's a pretty accurate representation. Another reason divorce is so brutal. There's a lot that can be said about that, but I don't want to go that route today. Vows are much different than promises. We use the word promise loosely in our culture, they are never vows. Marriage vows are something I think ends up being deeply rooted in who we are for the duration of our lives.
The vows themselves as I read over them always make me tear up. No way around it. More than anything in marriage we are called to change, or maybe not change per se, but rather get better. I can read these and see very clearly how we both need these things from each other and it is something we are committed to working at/on for the duration of our lives. Of course we fail, we are humans, but that's not it, we have vowed to do something and that commitment is what the vow looks like in the end. So here they are, maybe they are helpful, maybe not, but they are something we will do for the rest of our lives. First mine:
I take you, Jocelyn to be my wife,
I make this covenant with you,
before God, in marriage to display his grace through my unconditional love and commitment to you for the rest of my days on this earth. In my commitment of love to you, I vow to:
Put you second only to the Lord. Through God's grace,
I will be patient with you as you grow.
I will treat you with gentleness and not let the sun go down without resolving conflict.
You are a woman to be praised because you fear the Lord, and I will encourage you to seek Christ always.
I will be lionhearted and lamb-like as a leader in how I protect you and honor you in the decisions and choices I make.
I will be faithful to you and never leave you or give up on you, regardless of the difficulties we may face.
Jocelyn I will view you as a chosen daughter of God, holy and righteous, blameless in His sight.
Then Jocelyn's:
I take you, Jonathan to be my husband,
I make this covenant with you,
before God, in marriage to display his grace through my unconditional love and commitment to you for the rest of my days on this earth. In my commitment of love to you, I vow to:
Put you before anyone else on earth and put your needs before my own.
I will remain faithful to you. I will serve you and wash your feet as Christ did for his disciples.
I will trust you, respect you and support you in your role as my head and the God ordained leader of our household.
I will encourage you in your walk with Christ.
I will praise your strengths and share in your joys.
I will always forgive you, and hold no record of wrongs against you.
I will be patient with you and allow you to grow.
I will never give up on you or us, regardless of the difficulties we might face.
Jonathan I will view you as a chosen son of God, holy and righteous, blameless in His sight.
My wife is a bit of more gifted writer, so she did a little bit more than me in organizing our thoughts. In the end we decided to have the same beginning couple sentences, different middle, and the same final sentence. For some reason that makes sense to me to have the same beginning and ending and it helped having some commonality as well.
Vows are something that are incredibly deep. CS lewis often talks about how it is like losing a limb to break them, probably worse. I believe that's a pretty accurate representation. Another reason divorce is so brutal. There's a lot that can be said about that, but I don't want to go that route today. Vows are much different than promises. We use the word promise loosely in our culture, they are never vows. Marriage vows are something I think ends up being deeply rooted in who we are for the duration of our lives.
The vows themselves as I read over them always make me tear up. No way around it. More than anything in marriage we are called to change, or maybe not change per se, but rather get better. I can read these and see very clearly how we both need these things from each other and it is something we are committed to working at/on for the duration of our lives. Of course we fail, we are humans, but that's not it, we have vowed to do something and that commitment is what the vow looks like in the end. So here they are, maybe they are helpful, maybe not, but they are something we will do for the rest of our lives. First mine:
I take you, Jocelyn to be my wife,
I make this covenant with you,
before God, in marriage to display his grace through my unconditional love and commitment to you for the rest of my days on this earth. In my commitment of love to you, I vow to:
Put you second only to the Lord. Through God's grace,
I will be patient with you as you grow.
I will treat you with gentleness and not let the sun go down without resolving conflict.
You are a woman to be praised because you fear the Lord, and I will encourage you to seek Christ always.
I will be lionhearted and lamb-like as a leader in how I protect you and honor you in the decisions and choices I make.
I will be faithful to you and never leave you or give up on you, regardless of the difficulties we may face.
Jocelyn I will view you as a chosen daughter of God, holy and righteous, blameless in His sight.
Then Jocelyn's:
I take you, Jonathan to be my husband,
I make this covenant with you,
before God, in marriage to display his grace through my unconditional love and commitment to you for the rest of my days on this earth. In my commitment of love to you, I vow to:
Put you before anyone else on earth and put your needs before my own.
I will remain faithful to you. I will serve you and wash your feet as Christ did for his disciples.
I will trust you, respect you and support you in your role as my head and the God ordained leader of our household.
I will encourage you in your walk with Christ.
I will praise your strengths and share in your joys.
I will always forgive you, and hold no record of wrongs against you.
I will be patient with you and allow you to grow.
I will never give up on you or us, regardless of the difficulties we might face.
Jonathan I will view you as a chosen son of God, holy and righteous, blameless in His sight.
Monday, January 3, 2011
windows
It was a busy weekend for the most part. Good busy, in seeing family and the joy, that I have come to love, of sauerkraut of new years day.
Home improvements are always "fun". And only fun when they are finished. They obviously need to be done in some capacity. America is weird in that way, but there is something good about pride of ownership and taking care of what you have been given. So on Tuesday, my very gracious cousin, who used to work on windows for a living, came over to help (and when I say help, I mean do everything) install a window. It didn't go super smoothly and took way too long for sure. The good thing about it was it gave us a guide for the next windows.
So yesterday we were able to install two. He did the second window in Amaris'/baby room. In the meantime, I managed to take out the window out of blind luck for the most part...And
then got some guidance in taking out the frame part.
Took out the inside molding pieces...
And finally gave it a chuck into the front lawn.
And then Chris in record time put in the window...
It was a good time in general and it felt like I actually learned something. Added something in the repertoire of home upkeep that I hope to be able to pass down one day. It is always an amazing thing to see how specialized our society is. I could never install windows or do A/C or put in a door, but if you take the time it's really never rocket science. Additionally, it got me thinking that I wish I would have taken the time growing up to learn how to work on cars. My dad would have taught, heck I think he tried, but I always ended up "rushing" through life and never having enough time. Now I wish I knew. How will I spend the rest of my years. Hopefully not as rushed.
Anyhow, It was a good time hanging out with Chris and getting the job done. 3 down and 3 to go. Our room and bathroom and then when we get some more money, the basement. It is amazing what difference can happen with a few windows.
Home improvements are always "fun". And only fun when they are finished. They obviously need to be done in some capacity. America is weird in that way, but there is something good about pride of ownership and taking care of what you have been given. So on Tuesday, my very gracious cousin, who used to work on windows for a living, came over to help (and when I say help, I mean do everything) install a window. It didn't go super smoothly and took way too long for sure. The good thing about it was it gave us a guide for the next windows.
So yesterday we were able to install two. He did the second window in Amaris'/baby room. In the meantime, I managed to take out the window out of blind luck for the most part...And
then got some guidance in taking out the frame part.
Took out the inside molding pieces...
And finally gave it a chuck into the front lawn.
And then Chris in record time put in the window...
It was a good time in general and it felt like I actually learned something. Added something in the repertoire of home upkeep that I hope to be able to pass down one day. It is always an amazing thing to see how specialized our society is. I could never install windows or do A/C or put in a door, but if you take the time it's really never rocket science. Additionally, it got me thinking that I wish I would have taken the time growing up to learn how to work on cars. My dad would have taught, heck I think he tried, but I always ended up "rushing" through life and never having enough time. Now I wish I knew. How will I spend the rest of my years. Hopefully not as rushed.
Anyhow, It was a good time hanging out with Chris and getting the job done. 3 down and 3 to go. Our room and bathroom and then when we get some more money, the basement. It is amazing what difference can happen with a few windows.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Present
The job of the father is an interesting one. (You'll have to do your best to follow along here, as I'm not sure everything will be explained well). There are always two kinds of "present"s; those dads who are around, and those dads who actually participate. That is always the battle with any parent. I can fit into either category. Kids cannot be engaged all the time as they need to learn how to engage themselves with the world and have fun without constant stimulation. I understand those things. As I currently am sitting here with my daughter and just seeing her this morning with my wife and I, I realized something very profound:
She is going to turn out well (maybe even very well).
First of all, my wife and I are going to stay married. (blah blah blah, you can say what you need to about the whats, ifs and buts but we are going to stay married). That's just how it works in our minds. This is probably the number one reason our children will turn out alright. And, just to get a little provocative, the reason this will work is because our children will be number two in our lives. Number one is my wife, number two wife, and number zero (that's ahead of one) is the Lord. Yeah that line gets blurred base on situations, but there needs to be a line. My wife and I agree on this line.
And we still go on date nights and they are good. Even when my wife wears a (cool) ghetto hat, while making a face at pink shoes:
I am fortunate that I can be home so much. Working a job from 7-3 is a beautiful thing. It is intentional that I do not work until 430 (I think my wife would lose her mind if I did) like some teachers do because I genuinely want to get home and be there to see my daughter grow. I go in early so I can be home early. Summers off help as well. Definitely a beautiful thing. My wife being home with our child (soon to be plural) is amazing.
So the flip side of this is not being home/present. There are dads who just work too much or are home and just want to be home, not dealing with their kids--we all wrestle with that of course. But in the end it takes a bit of action. I guess I may actually be getting a little older because I can easily do this thing called "reflecting". Stay with me on the next one as my goal is not to be judgmental and there are many exceptions to this.
After hearing stories as well as looking at lives on facebook of cousins, friends, etc, who may not have "turned out" the way I thought they would: “Bring your child up in the ways of the Lord and they shall not depart." Maybe they have not departed or are still finding their way because that often is the case, but it is almost always clear to me as to why (again there are many exceptions to this). It often seems to be due to a lack of a male role in their lives. Now women rarely get picked on because they just naturally have that intuition due to many things, probably carrying around the child for 9 months and then all that milk stuff for the most part that helps them not be absent like father's can be. But an absent father who was not there altogether or just to busy in work and life (maybe even good things) is brutally detrimental to a child's development. Often involved in "good" things. The act of just being there is difficult especially for those busy minded people. That is a scary thought. I am busy minded and this is constantly a battle.
But my goal is to be here. With my wife. Our children are going to be better than just alright.
Speaking of being present, my daughter just typed this: "/lko;,l;lmml". Time to go.
One last thing, I do not know how to deal with this: "oooooo" as she is handed a new pair shoes.
She is going to turn out well (maybe even very well).
First of all, my wife and I are going to stay married. (blah blah blah, you can say what you need to about the whats, ifs and buts but we are going to stay married). That's just how it works in our minds. This is probably the number one reason our children will turn out alright. And, just to get a little provocative, the reason this will work is because our children will be number two in our lives. Number one is my wife, number two wife, and number zero (that's ahead of one) is the Lord. Yeah that line gets blurred base on situations, but there needs to be a line. My wife and I agree on this line.
And we still go on date nights and they are good. Even when my wife wears a (cool) ghetto hat, while making a face at pink shoes:
I am fortunate that I can be home so much. Working a job from 7-3 is a beautiful thing. It is intentional that I do not work until 430 (I think my wife would lose her mind if I did) like some teachers do because I genuinely want to get home and be there to see my daughter grow. I go in early so I can be home early. Summers off help as well. Definitely a beautiful thing. My wife being home with our child (soon to be plural) is amazing.
So the flip side of this is not being home/present. There are dads who just work too much or are home and just want to be home, not dealing with their kids--we all wrestle with that of course. But in the end it takes a bit of action. I guess I may actually be getting a little older because I can easily do this thing called "reflecting". Stay with me on the next one as my goal is not to be judgmental and there are many exceptions to this.
After hearing stories as well as looking at lives on facebook of cousins, friends, etc, who may not have "turned out" the way I thought they would: “Bring your child up in the ways of the Lord and they shall not depart." Maybe they have not departed or are still finding their way because that often is the case, but it is almost always clear to me as to why (again there are many exceptions to this). It often seems to be due to a lack of a male role in their lives. Now women rarely get picked on because they just naturally have that intuition due to many things, probably carrying around the child for 9 months and then all that milk stuff for the most part that helps them not be absent like father's can be. But an absent father who was not there altogether or just to busy in work and life (maybe even good things) is brutally detrimental to a child's development. Often involved in "good" things. The act of just being there is difficult especially for those busy minded people. That is a scary thought. I am busy minded and this is constantly a battle.
But my goal is to be here. With my wife. Our children are going to be better than just alright.
Speaking of being present, my daughter just typed this: "/lko;,l;lmml". Time to go.
One last thing, I do not know how to deal with this: "oooooo" as she is handed a new pair shoes.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
because i just need to tell someone
OH my word (that may be the most gossipy, valley-girl sounding start to anything I've ever written...I swear my nails just grew longer and turned bubblegum pink, and if I laugh, it will sound like my head is empty). In these moments, I really want to close the door to the world of facebook because I lose respect for people constantly, and learn more than I ever wanted to know about fragments of society I normally do not encounter.
Cyclepassion. I don't know how I've managed to be oblivious to this when I am both female and have been riding a bike for a few years now. I'd like to believe it's because I keep the kind of company who doesn't go searching for trash like this and is really disgusted by it, but I'm sure some of them do, it just doesn't come up.
Cyclepassion=girls who have made massive achievements in the world of women's cycling suddenly deciding that they aren't powerful enough/cool enough/accomplished enough/worth enough so they take off most of their clothes (or all I think in some cases) and pose with bikes for a calendar. That was a bit of a value-infused description. Here: it's pro female cyclists who pose with bikes while wearing lingerie (or nude). Awesome...so, women's cycling is finally building momentum, gaining respect, etc, and what do the "stars" do? Take the focus OFF of their athletic accomplishments and onto their sexuality...which in case they've missed it, is one of the most enslaving places you can possibly put yourself as a female, and have lowered the respectability of women's cycling. It's really tragic that girls in general rely on their appearance, specifically whatever they define as "sexiness" to gain some sort of edge or confidence or respect, and only more tragic that while women want their sports endeavors to be as highly respected as men's sports, they lower themselves to the level of sex objects and ruin any chance of reaching the initial goal. Really? Are they that weak minded? That easily deceived?
I'm surely capable of lowering myself to those standards and feeling somewhat convinced that it's crucial to my success on all fronts to be "hot", but thankfully, overall I do know how ridiculous that is. I can see and somewhat feel where these girls are coming from, because our society has shaped us to think sexiness is a source of power and likely, the most important source of power we have as women. We're all told this, we all struggle with it. I guess I just figure most women will hit a point when they grow up and realize how false this is? Even if they do continue to struggle with it.
Women tend to blame this on men, and I see that factor. But blaming someone else also means that you do not have the ability to change the situation-it's their fault, their doing, you're just the victim and there's nothing you can do about it. This equates to being powerless. SO...lets get this straight, we, as women, pursue the flaunting of our sexuality in attempt to gain power, while we simultaneously claim that men are really the powerful ones that have created this situation in the first place and we're subject to their misuse of us. I'm rereading that statement 5 times to see if it makes sense...it's hard to follow, but in essence, it's driving home the point in my mind that we're whining men have complete control over how our sexuality is used, and yet we choose that route in order to gain control/equality with them...that seems like a really inefficient route to take.
Interestingly, I'm not a women's lib fan, I'm not into encouraging women to find their worth in gaining "equality", whatever that looks like, with men, I'm not out to lead a revolt against male dominance. I'm more into calling women to figure out how to sift through the mounds of false information we've been given on who we are to be as women, and finding the truth, the beauty, the freedom in that. There are falsities coming from generally every force in society, from Playboy to churches to corporate powerhouses. I don't think this is new information to any female out there....but I would argue that 99% of us don't feel like taking the risk of figuring out what our true design is and we'd rather just pick the most sensible looking pre-packaged option we come across, even if there are countless examples to suggest this doesn't lead to happiness or success or fulfillment. Options provide us with the flexibility to engage in our femininity in different ways depending on where we are in life, who are friends are-basically, however it works to our advantage. Sadly, options don't encourage commitment to yourself in a consistent, truthful, reliable way, and they don't really challenge us to be vulnerable enough to identify truth from fiction.
Well...sorry to vent publicly about this..just saw it on facebook and wanted to scream...it's barely public because I'm obviously not a world famous blogger...oh well, there's always cyclepassion 2012 if I can make a massive recovery from having a baby in May and end up being "drafted" by a pro-team by August, right? yikes.
Cyclepassion. I don't know how I've managed to be oblivious to this when I am both female and have been riding a bike for a few years now. I'd like to believe it's because I keep the kind of company who doesn't go searching for trash like this and is really disgusted by it, but I'm sure some of them do, it just doesn't come up.
Cyclepassion=girls who have made massive achievements in the world of women's cycling suddenly deciding that they aren't powerful enough/cool enough/accomplished enough/worth enough so they take off most of their clothes (or all I think in some cases) and pose with bikes for a calendar. That was a bit of a value-infused description. Here: it's pro female cyclists who pose with bikes while wearing lingerie (or nude). Awesome...so, women's cycling is finally building momentum, gaining respect, etc, and what do the "stars" do? Take the focus OFF of their athletic accomplishments and onto their sexuality...which in case they've missed it, is one of the most enslaving places you can possibly put yourself as a female, and have lowered the respectability of women's cycling. It's really tragic that girls in general rely on their appearance, specifically whatever they define as "sexiness" to gain some sort of edge or confidence or respect, and only more tragic that while women want their sports endeavors to be as highly respected as men's sports, they lower themselves to the level of sex objects and ruin any chance of reaching the initial goal. Really? Are they that weak minded? That easily deceived?
I'm surely capable of lowering myself to those standards and feeling somewhat convinced that it's crucial to my success on all fronts to be "hot", but thankfully, overall I do know how ridiculous that is. I can see and somewhat feel where these girls are coming from, because our society has shaped us to think sexiness is a source of power and likely, the most important source of power we have as women. We're all told this, we all struggle with it. I guess I just figure most women will hit a point when they grow up and realize how false this is? Even if they do continue to struggle with it.
Women tend to blame this on men, and I see that factor. But blaming someone else also means that you do not have the ability to change the situation-it's their fault, their doing, you're just the victim and there's nothing you can do about it. This equates to being powerless. SO...lets get this straight, we, as women, pursue the flaunting of our sexuality in attempt to gain power, while we simultaneously claim that men are really the powerful ones that have created this situation in the first place and we're subject to their misuse of us. I'm rereading that statement 5 times to see if it makes sense...it's hard to follow, but in essence, it's driving home the point in my mind that we're whining men have complete control over how our sexuality is used, and yet we choose that route in order to gain control/equality with them...that seems like a really inefficient route to take.
Interestingly, I'm not a women's lib fan, I'm not into encouraging women to find their worth in gaining "equality", whatever that looks like, with men, I'm not out to lead a revolt against male dominance. I'm more into calling women to figure out how to sift through the mounds of false information we've been given on who we are to be as women, and finding the truth, the beauty, the freedom in that. There are falsities coming from generally every force in society, from Playboy to churches to corporate powerhouses. I don't think this is new information to any female out there....but I would argue that 99% of us don't feel like taking the risk of figuring out what our true design is and we'd rather just pick the most sensible looking pre-packaged option we come across, even if there are countless examples to suggest this doesn't lead to happiness or success or fulfillment. Options provide us with the flexibility to engage in our femininity in different ways depending on where we are in life, who are friends are-basically, however it works to our advantage. Sadly, options don't encourage commitment to yourself in a consistent, truthful, reliable way, and they don't really challenge us to be vulnerable enough to identify truth from fiction.
Well...sorry to vent publicly about this..just saw it on facebook and wanted to scream...it's barely public because I'm obviously not a world famous blogger...oh well, there's always cyclepassion 2012 if I can make a massive recovery from having a baby in May and end up being "drafted" by a pro-team by August, right? yikes.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
not raining, still contemplating
We are in this weird place with church right now. Well, we always have been, but we're actually involved and in a weird place, as opposed to failing to be involved and being in a weird place as a result of that. What a confusing and poorly constructed sentence.
We both tend to find ourselves in leadership positions wherever we go, and I'm glad for that. What a better place to help lead than church? The conflict will always stand that we will never find a church that completely, 150% "fits", or I guess more aptly stated, that we agree with every detail of. Just a natural product of church being run by people, who are all prone to error in some fashion. It's sort of beautiful that way, though, because while we all wish and strive for perfection, the joy seems to be in the journey to attain it as opposed to finally getting there. A million cliche statements could follow-about how you truly learn to love people when they're a mess as opposed to when they're doing everything "Right", etc, etc. Just putting it out there that while I'm about to write a few criticisms and concerns, I really don't believe there is a perfect church or a perfect way or whatever. I do wonder where to draw the line with some things we lean towards or even firmly believe as far as churches go, though.
Since Hipster Christianity satisfied my desire to see some major criticisms of the "emergent church" or "hipster churches" or whatever you want to call that general movement of 20-30 somethings that insist Christianity must be entirely redone (very, very vague description on my part), my mind has drifted more towards wondering how to manage church growth and maintain community. I go to a large church-not a southern-Bible-belt mega-church, but certainly large enough for the northeast, and for a relatively smallish town compared to Austin, Texas or San Francisco, California. I love this church. Not "adore it" or "totally think they're perfect" love it, but I chose to go there as a teenager because they're clearly doing some things well, and really, I just believed in what they were doing. It's changed drastically from when I first began attending, and while I still believe in much of what they're doing, it's been a strange feeling to stop and think hm, that just doesn't make sense to me anymore.
Large churches never made much sense to me, even though I've attended one on and off for 10 years. I have a hard time measuring "success" of a church by the number of people that attend there. I can understand that perspective to a degree. However, I don't know of many examples in life where quality isn't sacrificed for the sake of quantity. Notably, when people are involved. I won't go as far to say that it is impossible, but it just seems like it's extremely difficult..and maybe that energy would be better spent elsewhere?
One argument for large churches is the amount of resources they pull in. Obviously, I think having the money to fund missions and do outreach is a great thing. The irony that seems to come with this is that along with whatever goes into missions-and unfortunately I can't speak to specific numbers because it seems that large churches, at least ours, are a bit reluctant to communicate their budget with the congregation-is that clearly, large amounts of money go into making the "marketing" the church itself. So we put out money to get people to come in the door and give it back....Ok that's really cynical, but that basic exchange does occur in some fashion. We give them a worship concert on Sundays and they provide funds so we can go build humble huts and schools and clinics for people who sleep on dirt floors. It seems like an inefficient way to do business, let alone how it reinforces the materialistic preferences of the usual American church goer.... I'll leave that go in this post. It's a sticky subject that I don't yet know how to sort through. What I'm really wondering is if our reliance on our size for resources becomes a bit of a hindrance to trusting God with things-in general, things. I'm hoping this happens in a different order...trust God for things, people come, so we give more of what we have. I guess I just get confused because it seems that for every 100 people that walk in the door there are suddenly new needs for lighting, graphics, attractive whatever. Are we really that market-driven or am I missing something?
I'm reading "The Tipping Point" by Gladwell right now. He's goofy sometimes but he references sociologists constantly...so of course I enjoy reading what he comes up with. He discusses the Rule of 150 in one chapter. Basically, around 150 people is the ideal group size for pretty much anything-military respects this, Amish-like communities in Europe respect this (Hutterites), even some wildly successful businesses known for their super low turnover rates respect this. Once your group size exceeds the 150ish range, there's suddenly a need for structure and hierarchy that you can do without when you're under the 150 mark. Additionally, if you don't impose that structure, research suggests that clicks and clans are inevitable. They indicate some sort of division-always have...lunch table at school or work, classic example. Additionally, you're no longer conveying ideas to one group, you're conveying ideas to several, small, somewhat independent groups, and hoping that they end up agreeing-though the idea may not come from their specific subdivision of the larger group. Groups under 150 can be a unified community, operate more on peer influence and peer pressure (in a good way), and rely on and appreciate eachother more. Ideas aren't filtered through subdivision leaders, there aren't factions of the group coming up with their own opinions and opposing those of the other factions. Sure, there are small issues and closer friends, etc...but in general, 150 people can operate as a unified group.
The Hutterites really fascinated me. As I mentioned, they're similar to the Amish we are familiar with in the US. Tight-knit, counter-cultural, faith-based groups of people living together in community. The Hutterites will forcibly split their group once they reach about 150 people into 2 smaller groups of about 75. They've found that the consequences of large groups, as briefly mentioned above, ruin their communities.
Our church in Philadelphia was small-it was constantly producing new churches though-interesting. I found it weird at one point, feeling like people must've had ego trips and wanted their "own" style of church. I realized at some point that truthfully, they just "got" the community thing. They realized that growth, while good, also presents problems, and it's healthier to split into smaller churches where you can truly know people and grow together. As a result, though there were clearly leaders and elders, which seemed more out of church tradition than anything, it wasn't an imposing, highly structured environment. Sidenote-churches are slightly odd because there are preachers/pastors, who automatically serve as some sort of authority in the sense that it is believed they're gifted specifically to lead in some way. However-not every preacher is a great administrator, or coordinator, or even visionary, even if we automatically give them these responsibilities. Sidenote over. Moving back to a large-church setting has been wildly confusing. It's been challenging to be re-exposed to "church politics" of who's leading what, who reports to who, who to go to for what, etc, etc. In the end, it's often still one overall visionary conducting the orchestra, but you have to go through several other appointed leaders to find this. Once a congregation is several layers removed from the key leader, or leaders, it seems their needs or opinions are easily lost in translation...or they just don't make the effort to even communicate their needs because it seems pointless. You MUSt be able to understand this-Federal Government, president, congressman...the people. Yes? Stick with me on this-I know it's generalized, and I'm glazing over some important things, etc. All those details in my mind just point towards the fact that it's clearly complicated-as opposed to the smallish church, 150 or less, where it's just not as difficult to pinpoint anyone-pastor, congregation member, choir member, children's church teacher. No organizational chart necessary...unless you want one because sometimes, we think creating defined positions will avoid conflict and enable us to do what we're gifted to do. Arguable, but it's a common model.
ANYHOW...I don't think I have this all figured out, just asking questions, voicing concerns...maybe it's just a matter of preference, maybe I'm a jerk and just think churches are romanced with the idea of attracting people to Jesus and neglect discipleship...hoping this happens in small groups...etc. This is long enough for now...
We both tend to find ourselves in leadership positions wherever we go, and I'm glad for that. What a better place to help lead than church? The conflict will always stand that we will never find a church that completely, 150% "fits", or I guess more aptly stated, that we agree with every detail of. Just a natural product of church being run by people, who are all prone to error in some fashion. It's sort of beautiful that way, though, because while we all wish and strive for perfection, the joy seems to be in the journey to attain it as opposed to finally getting there. A million cliche statements could follow-about how you truly learn to love people when they're a mess as opposed to when they're doing everything "Right", etc, etc. Just putting it out there that while I'm about to write a few criticisms and concerns, I really don't believe there is a perfect church or a perfect way or whatever. I do wonder where to draw the line with some things we lean towards or even firmly believe as far as churches go, though.
Since Hipster Christianity satisfied my desire to see some major criticisms of the "emergent church" or "hipster churches" or whatever you want to call that general movement of 20-30 somethings that insist Christianity must be entirely redone (very, very vague description on my part), my mind has drifted more towards wondering how to manage church growth and maintain community. I go to a large church-not a southern-Bible-belt mega-church, but certainly large enough for the northeast, and for a relatively smallish town compared to Austin, Texas or San Francisco, California. I love this church. Not "adore it" or "totally think they're perfect" love it, but I chose to go there as a teenager because they're clearly doing some things well, and really, I just believed in what they were doing. It's changed drastically from when I first began attending, and while I still believe in much of what they're doing, it's been a strange feeling to stop and think hm, that just doesn't make sense to me anymore.
Large churches never made much sense to me, even though I've attended one on and off for 10 years. I have a hard time measuring "success" of a church by the number of people that attend there. I can understand that perspective to a degree. However, I don't know of many examples in life where quality isn't sacrificed for the sake of quantity. Notably, when people are involved. I won't go as far to say that it is impossible, but it just seems like it's extremely difficult..and maybe that energy would be better spent elsewhere?
One argument for large churches is the amount of resources they pull in. Obviously, I think having the money to fund missions and do outreach is a great thing. The irony that seems to come with this is that along with whatever goes into missions-and unfortunately I can't speak to specific numbers because it seems that large churches, at least ours, are a bit reluctant to communicate their budget with the congregation-is that clearly, large amounts of money go into making the "marketing" the church itself. So we put out money to get people to come in the door and give it back....Ok that's really cynical, but that basic exchange does occur in some fashion. We give them a worship concert on Sundays and they provide funds so we can go build humble huts and schools and clinics for people who sleep on dirt floors. It seems like an inefficient way to do business, let alone how it reinforces the materialistic preferences of the usual American church goer.... I'll leave that go in this post. It's a sticky subject that I don't yet know how to sort through. What I'm really wondering is if our reliance on our size for resources becomes a bit of a hindrance to trusting God with things-in general, things. I'm hoping this happens in a different order...trust God for things, people come, so we give more of what we have. I guess I just get confused because it seems that for every 100 people that walk in the door there are suddenly new needs for lighting, graphics, attractive whatever. Are we really that market-driven or am I missing something?
I'm reading "The Tipping Point" by Gladwell right now. He's goofy sometimes but he references sociologists constantly...so of course I enjoy reading what he comes up with. He discusses the Rule of 150 in one chapter. Basically, around 150 people is the ideal group size for pretty much anything-military respects this, Amish-like communities in Europe respect this (Hutterites), even some wildly successful businesses known for their super low turnover rates respect this. Once your group size exceeds the 150ish range, there's suddenly a need for structure and hierarchy that you can do without when you're under the 150 mark. Additionally, if you don't impose that structure, research suggests that clicks and clans are inevitable. They indicate some sort of division-always have...lunch table at school or work, classic example. Additionally, you're no longer conveying ideas to one group, you're conveying ideas to several, small, somewhat independent groups, and hoping that they end up agreeing-though the idea may not come from their specific subdivision of the larger group. Groups under 150 can be a unified community, operate more on peer influence and peer pressure (in a good way), and rely on and appreciate eachother more. Ideas aren't filtered through subdivision leaders, there aren't factions of the group coming up with their own opinions and opposing those of the other factions. Sure, there are small issues and closer friends, etc...but in general, 150 people can operate as a unified group.
The Hutterites really fascinated me. As I mentioned, they're similar to the Amish we are familiar with in the US. Tight-knit, counter-cultural, faith-based groups of people living together in community. The Hutterites will forcibly split their group once they reach about 150 people into 2 smaller groups of about 75. They've found that the consequences of large groups, as briefly mentioned above, ruin their communities.
Our church in Philadelphia was small-it was constantly producing new churches though-interesting. I found it weird at one point, feeling like people must've had ego trips and wanted their "own" style of church. I realized at some point that truthfully, they just "got" the community thing. They realized that growth, while good, also presents problems, and it's healthier to split into smaller churches where you can truly know people and grow together. As a result, though there were clearly leaders and elders, which seemed more out of church tradition than anything, it wasn't an imposing, highly structured environment. Sidenote-churches are slightly odd because there are preachers/pastors, who automatically serve as some sort of authority in the sense that it is believed they're gifted specifically to lead in some way. However-not every preacher is a great administrator, or coordinator, or even visionary, even if we automatically give them these responsibilities. Sidenote over. Moving back to a large-church setting has been wildly confusing. It's been challenging to be re-exposed to "church politics" of who's leading what, who reports to who, who to go to for what, etc, etc. In the end, it's often still one overall visionary conducting the orchestra, but you have to go through several other appointed leaders to find this. Once a congregation is several layers removed from the key leader, or leaders, it seems their needs or opinions are easily lost in translation...or they just don't make the effort to even communicate their needs because it seems pointless. You MUSt be able to understand this-Federal Government, president, congressman...the people. Yes? Stick with me on this-I know it's generalized, and I'm glazing over some important things, etc. All those details in my mind just point towards the fact that it's clearly complicated-as opposed to the smallish church, 150 or less, where it's just not as difficult to pinpoint anyone-pastor, congregation member, choir member, children's church teacher. No organizational chart necessary...unless you want one because sometimes, we think creating defined positions will avoid conflict and enable us to do what we're gifted to do. Arguable, but it's a common model.
ANYHOW...I don't think I have this all figured out, just asking questions, voicing concerns...maybe it's just a matter of preference, maybe I'm a jerk and just think churches are romanced with the idea of attracting people to Jesus and neglect discipleship...hoping this happens in small groups...etc. This is long enough for now...
Thursday, November 4, 2010
rainy morning leads to overcontemplation
I've never been a huge fan of contemporary Christian worship music...probably snotty reasons, but oh well. Now, I'm sitting here with my 1 year old listening to exactly that music because it's in the background of her "Praise Baby" video. She loves these videos, so I do, too. Whatever keeps her attention...
I never imagined moving back to suburbia-much less the same suburbia I grew up in. Again, probably snotty, elitest, presumptuous reasons (do we have any other reasons for anything in college?), but, oh well. Now, I'm sitting here in my suburban home, with a yard, with more conveniences and comforts than necessary to live well. Thank goodness the house is small and I at least don't feel like we gave into the typical "must have huge house with more room than we could ever use" ideal...
I never imagined having my own children. You guessed it...snotty, prideful reasons. Even though some make sense:). I was sure I would be looking after orphans in a third world country, or at least adopting one. Now, as I already mentioned, I have a 1 year old daughter of "my own flesh and blood" climbing all over me, and a second child growing inside. At least we're only having two. Hmm...wonder if Jonathan scheduled his appointment to discuss permanently capping it at two....
Do most people "grow up" and have the life they imagined? I'm guessing not, in many ways. It's hard to make sense of, some days. I don't generally love living here, there are still the same ideals and ideas that push me towards third world countries. On the other hand, I see more needs around me than I ever have, and maybe, just maybe have more compassion-compassion that's unrestricted to only the poorest of the poor as the UN would see them. I see the point of doing ministry here-and see Jesus as the center of that ministry instead of a prideful rebellion against wealthy Americans. I've learned to love family instead of running from it, deal with inconsistencies in the church instead of running from them, try to help people understand poverty instead of hating them for being oblivious to it.
Clearly, we were called to our current lives...Amaris was planned by God, a total surprise to us. We opened our minds to the possibility of a second, with a very limited time-frame for getting pregnant, and here we are. 1 month of "trying"...or just NOT trying to NOT have a baby, and we're already 14 weeks into this pregnancy.
No real point in writing this..maybe just my way of making sense of waking up to a cold, rainy suburban morning and watching Praise Baby while reading Facebook updates of friends in other countries. I can't, and won't, begin to imagine where we will be in 5 years..the past 5 have been truly unexpected, and amazing, so I don't expect anything other than that for the next 5. I know that if I had continued on the path I had set for myself 5 years ago, I would have a very limited perspective of grace, a twisted understanding of Jesus' command to love people, and would be trapped in rebellious pride and self-righteousness. It's easy to fall into the trap of living for good things, purposes, reasons but having a completely wrong attitude about it. Some people have to leave their homes to figure that out...I guess I had to stay. Whatever it takes. Is it fair then, to say, if you've never left because you were afraid to, leave; if you've never stayed and tried to be part of your home community because running is easier, stay?
I never imagined moving back to suburbia-much less the same suburbia I grew up in. Again, probably snotty, elitest, presumptuous reasons (do we have any other reasons for anything in college?), but, oh well. Now, I'm sitting here in my suburban home, with a yard, with more conveniences and comforts than necessary to live well. Thank goodness the house is small and I at least don't feel like we gave into the typical "must have huge house with more room than we could ever use" ideal...
I never imagined having my own children. You guessed it...snotty, prideful reasons. Even though some make sense:). I was sure I would be looking after orphans in a third world country, or at least adopting one. Now, as I already mentioned, I have a 1 year old daughter of "my own flesh and blood" climbing all over me, and a second child growing inside. At least we're only having two. Hmm...wonder if Jonathan scheduled his appointment to discuss permanently capping it at two....
Do most people "grow up" and have the life they imagined? I'm guessing not, in many ways. It's hard to make sense of, some days. I don't generally love living here, there are still the same ideals and ideas that push me towards third world countries. On the other hand, I see more needs around me than I ever have, and maybe, just maybe have more compassion-compassion that's unrestricted to only the poorest of the poor as the UN would see them. I see the point of doing ministry here-and see Jesus as the center of that ministry instead of a prideful rebellion against wealthy Americans. I've learned to love family instead of running from it, deal with inconsistencies in the church instead of running from them, try to help people understand poverty instead of hating them for being oblivious to it.
Clearly, we were called to our current lives...Amaris was planned by God, a total surprise to us. We opened our minds to the possibility of a second, with a very limited time-frame for getting pregnant, and here we are. 1 month of "trying"...or just NOT trying to NOT have a baby, and we're already 14 weeks into this pregnancy.
No real point in writing this..maybe just my way of making sense of waking up to a cold, rainy suburban morning and watching Praise Baby while reading Facebook updates of friends in other countries. I can't, and won't, begin to imagine where we will be in 5 years..the past 5 have been truly unexpected, and amazing, so I don't expect anything other than that for the next 5. I know that if I had continued on the path I had set for myself 5 years ago, I would have a very limited perspective of grace, a twisted understanding of Jesus' command to love people, and would be trapped in rebellious pride and self-righteousness. It's easy to fall into the trap of living for good things, purposes, reasons but having a completely wrong attitude about it. Some people have to leave their homes to figure that out...I guess I had to stay. Whatever it takes. Is it fair then, to say, if you've never left because you were afraid to, leave; if you've never stayed and tried to be part of your home community because running is easier, stay?
Monday, August 23, 2010
ps...Amaris has food allergies
Life has changed greatly since our last blog entry. Why write tonight? We just watched Food Inc., which obviously I would be a fan of (if you know me you will certainly not be surprised). We have been refining our diets/food choices over the past several months as it is....and will now refine them even more. One of the kick-offs to our decision to closely examine and dramatically change how we eat was Amaris's food allergies...which I realized I had now posted about. So you shall hear it now.
After spending the morning of June 1 in the ER with Amaris treating her anaphylaxis-unknown cause at the time, we've gone through all sorts of research and allergy testing to determine that she is highly allergic to milk, eggs and peanuts (likely tree nuts as well).
People have mixed reactions to this news, but its safe to group them all into the general categories of "pity" and "shock." We have had our own reactions, of course, which I would place into the categories of "fear" and "amazement." Fear is obvious-I never want to have to rush Amaris to the ER again, for any reason. I am still rather petrified when I introduce a new food and she coughs or I see a potential red spot on her face, etc. It's much more difficult to decide to leave her with a babysitter or put her in any "mass" of kids because of how easily she could come in contact with one of the allergens. Fear is fear. I hate it, because it controls me more often than I would like. That reaction has diminished since we first learned of her condition, but at a very, very slow rate.
Amazement. Short story=Jonathan had a nutrition course in March that prompted us to aim for a primarily vegan diet. In case you don't know..."vegan" = NO animal products. No meat, no eggs, no dairy. We considered ourselves 80% vegans.....8 out of every 10 meals were animal-product free. We still enjoyed occasional pizza, ice cream, seafood. I bought cookbooks, learned new recipes, found reliable restaurants, etc. We were ok with omitting these things from our diet for health reasons. June 1 and subsequent events occur and we're suddenly much more than 80%. We still eat meat occasionally, and I am ok with that, but dairy and eggs are gone. Breastfeeding means my food becomes hers, so I had to completely eliminate all of the allergens from my diet. People wondered why we didn't just switch to soy formula (yuck) or said "Well at least you can eat what you want in a few months!". Our approach is to eat how Amaris must eat....because who on earth wants to make one meal for their kid and one meal for themselves...as well as have potentially deadly ingredients laying around the kitchen for a kid to accidentally get into. So, yay providence....we were prepared in advance for this switch, and it could not have been easier (unless we were lifetime vegans....).
That's the main update...I'll spare you my praise for Food Inc, though I think you should all watch it. No, it doesn't promote veganism, or even vegetarianism...just exposes the mess of the food industry and gives you insight on what you're eating. It's not going to make you puke (well, I guess it could...I didn't feel sick once, and I have a weak stomach, especially for animal blood and meat...which there's little of). If you like money, at all, or need it, at all, you must believe that this film's message is truth.
Good luck.Good night.
Monday, February 8, 2010
All-Nighters
This phrase used to have such a fun meaning back in middle school and high school. It brought to mind thoughts of fun parties with friends consisting of innocent games of truth-or-dare, movies, pizza, and ice cream that lasted into the early mornings hours. In college, an "all-nighter" looked a little bit more grim, generally describing a sleepless night of studying before final exams, or typing and hitting backspace a thousand times before completing a 40 page paper due in the morning and not yet started.
As an adult, the phrase "all-nighter" had all but dropped out of my vocabulary. Sure, there are late nights, long nights, middle-of-the-nights, and endless nights, none of which share the same previously discussed connotations of "all-nighters," at least in my personal dictionary.
The past 2 nights have revived the term. Saturday night, especially, kicked off the resurrection of the more negative "all-nighter" phrase. We've heard about these happening with babies and tried to ignore the stories and avoid working up a traumatic mental image of what this actually might look like. It's been 4 months, and we finally had our first "all-nighter" experience with Amaris.
Somehow, through this cold that she has had, she seems to have forgotten how to suck her thumb to sooth herself to sleep. This was a sensible decision on her part, because every time she sucks her thumb she struggles to breath due to her stuffy nose. Smart kid, learns quickly. However, now she has trouble putting herself to sleep at night, and back to sleep when she wakes up for some weirdo baby reason (they have millions I'm sure).
Saturday night began with her usual bedtime of 8pm . After a trip to her bedroom every 40 minutes, by 12:30 am we ended up in the living room with me sleeping on our usually cozy armchair and Jonathan on the couch, Amaris in my arms and me on duty to lull her back to sleep each time she awoke. Between 8-12:30 these trips involved responding to her crying by trying to sooth her with a pacifier, remind her of her thumb's magic, and finally picking her up, lulling her back to sleep, carefully laying her down and tip-toeing out of the room hoping she would stay put. The feeling of success came to an abrupt end within 35-40 minutes when she started screaming.
I'm sure being sick, her ears don't feel the greatest and she just feels awful overall, so if I was that small and could convince someone to put me to sleep in their arms instead of laying in a lonely bed, I would totally do the same thing. Props to you Amaris for knowing how to get what you want and sleep in ultimate comfort. On the other hand, please remember that you are one of the few mammals that is blessed with opposable thumbs, which in your case, are extremely useful for achieving peaceful sleep.
Anyhow, thankfully, it took us 4 months to experience these, and last night was a little bit better-at least we all slept in our respective beds and only woke up twice, so I think this problem will resolve itself soon. I'd like to put the word "all-nighter" back in my dictionary of retired words.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Keeping up
Our daughter is now 4 months old (well, tomorrow "officially") and we clearly suck at keeping up with the blog. I guess I got bored of posting "baby stats". Some days I have massive amounts of time to think through life and record excerpts of the flow of thoughts that passes through my brain, some days I barely have time to even identify what it is I'm thinking of. So it goes. I'm sure the whole world can relate.
In sticking to the title of this entry, "keeping up", I've been overwhelmed again and again with how much we live to keep up with some strange standard of "good" here in America. I'm sure it's everywhere, it's just that a more simple country's standard seems like vacation for us because it's so easy for us to attain their "standard" here. At any rate, the baby world is insanely excessive and competitive. These little humans could care less how they're dressed, how big they are, how many toys they have-well, as long as they're entertained-and the parents are psycho's about making sure their kid wins the silent competition of who's the biggest, cutest dressed baby on the block. I am entertained by Amaris's clothing of course, but it's just upsetting to me how quickly we get sucked into wanting or buying things that are really completely unnecessary just because it seems like the "norm." Sort of drives me nuts....mentally constantly filtering the needs from the wants-due-to-lack-of-analyzing-the-purpose. That was way too many hyphens.
This clearly isn't anything new, and I'd like to believe that most people have thought about this weird scenario before. Sadly I guess many people haven't, which is why it persists with such shameless force in our society. I'm just curious as to why we constantly choose to continue living the way we do even when we have repeated "revelations" about how silly it all is. It's funny how the pioneering spirit of America, the spirit of Individualism, all these things we patriotically brag about and claim to be the foundations of our country have essentially become sort of old school. The "rugged individuals" are now marginalized, to pursue something radically different than your suburban neighbors is essentially taboo because it might make them uncomfortable, and we don't have the energy to pioneer..it's much easier, and "practical" to take someone else's advice and follow their example.
I guess those people who moved out west before California was a state were considered renegades and idiots at first by their comfy colonial communities, too. It's just interesting that we now hail them as heroic pioneers. Most ironic of all, these "rugged individuals" set up camp in one of the places in our country that has a rather hypocritical claim to "individualism" LA, Hollywood, etc. Come "be yourself" but make sure you fit in. Wear your hair this way, clothes that way, make-up this way, body shape that way. Yikes. I still don't get how that all works out...how a culture founded on the freedom of art has become such a confining, pretentious and relatively shallow community. Analyzing films and books but not their own lives, being super proactive about animal rights and human rights but not trying to figure out if they're actually doing what is right. I guess that sounds harsh...and is. And obviously it's a very generalized statement that in no way applies to every person in California or the west, or New York or whatever. I just don't understand how a community that supposedly appreciates diversity inadvertently puts pressure on the rest of society to maintain a very specific-albeit unrealistic and unnatural-appearance and presence. People live to "keep up" with the fashion, the real estate, and the youthful mask of celebrities without giving a second thought to the sense behind it. Weird. In the suburbs, it also translates into keeping your kids up to speed with those things, even if they don't care.
Again, nothing new...it's just been bothering me lately as I consider how we raise Amaris-especially as a female in a country where you're encouraged to be "yourself" but make sure you're beautiful, thin, and "successful" while doing so. I can't stand the fact that I feel sort of weird and worried about how we will explain to people that we don't plan on celebrating Christmas by buying her gifts, and aren't going to throw her a princess birthday party at Sweet 'n' Sassy-geez I don't even think I'd want her to attend a party there. Somehow we are stuck trying to explain why we don't think it's necessary to follow everyone else's lead, and parents will look at us strangely, even get angry with us, for challenging their way of life, no matter how quietly we try to explain it.
Ok that is all. This is long and likely boring. Hopefully it doesn't come across all prideful and judging. It really is just a mess of what's on my mind as I consider the impressionable mold of Amaris's mind, and how I am overwhelmingly responsible for shaping it.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
and she is huge
halloween
modeling a new outfit
directing an orchestra
a day at the spa (well, her little whale bathtub anyway)
So Amaris has gained 3lbs and grown 2 inches since her 1 week check in. She likes to eat, what can I say? She's doing really well...has her days, but for the most part, is a good little baby. From the start she was going 3 hours between feedings at night, and now she's doing anywhere from 4-6 first, and then 3-4 hours from there on out. So we're feeling more rested these days, though she's WIDE AWAKE nearly all day, and ends up quite fussy at some point because she's overstimulated and often boycotts naps. She looks like she's taking in everything she can, which shouldn't be too much at this point, but she's determined to watch soccer games, ice skating and skiing on tv whether she can see it completely or not. She loves meeting new people-forget napping when new people are around...she just wants to sit there and listen to everything they have to say. She has smiled at Jonathan several times, and smiled when she heard Nani's (my mom) voice on the phone, but for me? NOoooo...just associates me with milk right now apparently. Which is a nice association, we all love food, but I hope to be a human instead of a cow to her one day soon and receive some gracious smiles. Sure would make it easier to hack the frowning days.
Anyhow, her nap (YES, she napped, a rare gem of an event during the day) is about to end and I will be called upon for food, so that's all for now.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
to clear things up about the name "onyn" (notice, NOT spelled onAn)
just so you all know, if we had a boy and named it ONYN, it is quite different than the biblical name of ONAN. does not mean anything nasty. its turkish and means "prosperous". recently i've learned that many people were under the impression that our boy name was the same thing as the crappy biblical name of onAN. so.......though you're all quite relieved that amaris came along instead of onyn, just wanted you to know were not THAT stupid and wouldn't name the kid something with a poor meaning. sorry, slightly offended that it seems everyone thinks these things and no one asks us about them directly. GLAD we had a girl or apparently the entire world would think were thoughtless parents...
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