I've never been a huge fan of contemporary Christian worship music...probably snotty reasons, but oh well. Now, I'm sitting here with my 1 year old listening to exactly that music because it's in the background of her "Praise Baby" video. She loves these videos, so I do, too. Whatever keeps her attention...
I never imagined moving back to suburbia-much less the same suburbia I grew up in. Again, probably snotty, elitest, presumptuous reasons (do we have any other reasons for anything in college?), but, oh well. Now, I'm sitting here in my suburban home, with a yard, with more conveniences and comforts than necessary to live well. Thank goodness the house is small and I at least don't feel like we gave into the typical "must have huge house with more room than we could ever use" ideal...
I never imagined having my own children. You guessed it...snotty, prideful reasons. Even though some make sense:). I was sure I would be looking after orphans in a third world country, or at least adopting one. Now, as I already mentioned, I have a 1 year old daughter of "my own flesh and blood" climbing all over me, and a second child growing inside. At least we're only having two. Hmm...wonder if Jonathan scheduled his appointment to discuss permanently capping it at two....
Do most people "grow up" and have the life they imagined? I'm guessing not, in many ways. It's hard to make sense of, some days. I don't generally love living here, there are still the same ideals and ideas that push me towards third world countries. On the other hand, I see more needs around me than I ever have, and maybe, just maybe have more compassion-compassion that's unrestricted to only the poorest of the poor as the UN would see them. I see the point of doing ministry here-and see Jesus as the center of that ministry instead of a prideful rebellion against wealthy Americans. I've learned to love family instead of running from it, deal with inconsistencies in the church instead of running from them, try to help people understand poverty instead of hating them for being oblivious to it.
Clearly, we were called to our current lives...Amaris was planned by God, a total surprise to us. We opened our minds to the possibility of a second, with a very limited time-frame for getting pregnant, and here we are. 1 month of "trying"...or just NOT trying to NOT have a baby, and we're already 14 weeks into this pregnancy.
No real point in writing this..maybe just my way of making sense of waking up to a cold, rainy suburban morning and watching Praise Baby while reading Facebook updates of friends in other countries. I can't, and won't, begin to imagine where we will be in 5 years..the past 5 have been truly unexpected, and amazing, so I don't expect anything other than that for the next 5. I know that if I had continued on the path I had set for myself 5 years ago, I would have a very limited perspective of grace, a twisted understanding of Jesus' command to love people, and would be trapped in rebellious pride and self-righteousness. It's easy to fall into the trap of living for good things, purposes, reasons but having a completely wrong attitude about it. Some people have to leave their homes to figure that out...I guess I had to stay. Whatever it takes. Is it fair then, to say, if you've never left because you were afraid to, leave; if you've never stayed and tried to be part of your home community because running is easier, stay?
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