I realized I can use different color fonts. Wow.
I have my first doc appointments scheduled. Thursday February 12 is my visit with the nurse, and Friday February 27 will be my first physical, at 12 weeks. This is starting to sink in now.
Overall, I think we're doing well with the initial "Shock" of finding out we're pregnant and discovering the impact that will have on our lives. I don't think of that too often-with things I can't do much about, I sometimes manage to sit back and just let them happen, take it as it comes, figure it out as we go along. Of course, there are some things we must prepare for, but I can't sit around every day stressing out about what this means for our life. Upon having a knee-jerk reaction of jealousy to Jon's still-intact-thought-scaled-down cycling season ahead this year, a well of fear and frustration and anger opened up that I imagine will resurface from time to time, because this just ins't always the easiest adjustment for my mind to make. Really, our "hopes and dreams" as a young couple weren't super important and mainly consisted of a selfish (though totally acceptable in some ways) pursuit of our cycling careers, our professional careers, and just doing whatever we pleased whenever we felt like it. There are many good things in there, I don't mean to make it sound meaningless, but I guess I'm coming to grips with the fact that some of it was rather meaningless or something. Anyhow-it's still hard to hack that loss sometimes and realize I have another year of sitting on the sidelines while others race, and am now constantly searching my mind and reforming my plans for what I am "to do" with my life in addition to being a mother.
I know life doesn't stop, and we will still camp in Acadia and race our bikes and visit other countries, I guess my immediate reaction is a bit of fear because those things will look so different. And I know I shouldn't care about my body changing and things being out of wack and losing my atheletic prowress for a couple of months, but it's hard to let that stuff go sometimes, and then I feel like a horrible person for caring on top of it! UG! So yea..I'm processing these things as they come into my mind and I think I have good examples of truth all around me, I'm just being honest about the "hard parts" of working through this change.
Thankfully, I have a super supportive husband who sometimes laughs at me for caring that I won't have a 6 pack this summer, but for the most part is incredibly understanding as I work through the changes I'm facing. He is facing many too, of course, so I'm sure it's not super fun for him to think of his own challenges and then have me come home and freak out because I can't race my bike. Fortunately for both of us, things are overall going smoothly and freak outs aren't daily and we are at a point in our marriage where we are committed to eachother and know how to work with one another (for the most part...as much as you can in only your 2nd year of marriage!).
Hm...well that's long enough for now. Just wanted to post the "doc appointment" notifications and end up sharing the tougher stuff on my mind lately. Thanks everyone for your support, especially Jonathan for about a million reasons. This is quite a crazy time...I guess the first few months are because it's all so new and somewhat terrifying. But yea. Phew.
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