Hopefully that doesn't sound too awful...just a comical "The Office" reference that sort of describes that feeling of "geez...I really DON'T run my own life, do I?"
So I figured that having a blog about our quickly developing "pregnancy experience" would be a helpful way to keep people informed but not make it the center of our lives/conversation/interaction with people.
Recap, for those of you who haven't heard the story:
No, we have NOT been trying to get pregnant. I went off the pill because it makes me insane, so birth control otherwise-"natural family planning" is a bit spotty and harder to control. Hence, we've known since last year that there would always be a possibility of getting pregnant, but just thought well...we'll do what we can to delay that, but ultimately, when it happens, it happens, and that's just not entirely up to us. God is weird and has such a different way of crafting life than we do.
Anyhow...we had a suspicion that this month would be a bit "higher risk" than some in the past, and took two pregnancy tests earlier on-both negative. After more time passed and my body continued to feel out of wack, and I still wasn't getting my period, we took another test Friday afternoon (1/23). Driving home from work I just had this feeling that this one would turn out differently than the rest. Whether I filled my head with too many things from the internet that afternoon, or just "knew" because I'm pretty aware of my body, I was pretty sure I should expect the unexpected. Tons of mixed emotions here, which will come out in future "blogs". Guess "maternal instinct" develops overnight, because I was right-Jon's facial expression as he read the "pee stick" (ug, hate those things) instantly conveyed this insane emotion previously unparalled in either of our lives. Shock, suprise, fear, excitement, disbelief....they all combine into whatever named emotion fills that gap of time between I SEE A PLUS SIGN and WHOA....WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A KID. Simple concept really, but I can't explain how so much goes on in the lapse of time between seeing that sign and understanding what it's saying.
Hmm...trying to summarize from here on out or this will easily turn into an essay-a-day. We spent the weekend with the parents, calling close friends, soaking in the much needed support from people we care about. Thank you, HUGE thank you, to all of you for being enthusiastic and helping us to welcome such a huge change in our lives. The next few weeks, maybe months, will be a quilt of emotional patches sewn together by love from all of you, between the two of us, and a faith that things will work out. We're excited, and confused, and yea...the honest truth is that at times I hope I wake up and go back to my "normal life" where I'm a superfit cyclist that can race all summer and we can pick up and go on vacations without packing strollers. But, so it goes. It will be great. Really, I think this whole blog will be some verbal explaination for the process of getting over myself-my selfishness, my opinions on what's best for me, just my perspective on how I should live life. Clearly, some of those things won't change..but the choice now is to be flexible and learn and grow and change, or be stuck and never move forward. I don't need to explain to most of you all of the things in the past 2 years that I've been humbled by, helping me to learn that I just have so much to learn and be open to for my life.
Anyhow...those are intial thoughts. Well, kind of a welled up mess of thoughts from the past 3 days. Promise..blogs will be shorter from here on out, I'll try to avoid writing in my "emotional moments" that supposedly hit like a ton of bricks. Grand. For now, I just want to get passed jumping a bra size and feeling like there are aliens at war in my uterus stringing up bridges and firing catapults. Ug. Oh-we're beginning the 7th week (on Tuesday, to be exact), so we're still a few weeks out from "being out of the woods." These next couple of weeks are some of the most critical as far as the baby's development and survival, and my phsyical state. So far, I'm not puking or feeling sick, and I get tired more easily than I normally do, but that basically just brings me down to having the energy level of the average human being instead of a hyperactive maniac craving stimulation. Finishing the next 6 seasons of 24 might not be so difficult after all!
I guess that sums it up and should answer most inital questions anyone might have.Ah-potential due dates are somewhere between Sept. 17-22. Hopefully this will be entertaining and "informative." NOT gonna post all the details about when this kid's growing toes and fingernails and what not. Maybe my maternal instinct is just coming up short in that area...either way, the internet is full of those calendars and descriptions already. I'll just share all the psycho crap in my head and the plans we're making. Oh yea, last thing-I'm still riding. I can't go to race practice until the end of February ("out of the woods" zone), but plan to ride regularly in the meantime and will be racing through the spring provided that all goes wel and I'm not taped to a board or something weird.
Time for bed. Peace.
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