ps...Amaris has food allergies

Life has changed greatly since our last blog entry. Why write tonight? We just watched Food Inc., which obviously I would be a fan of (if you know me you will certainly not be surprised). We have been refining our diets/food choices over the past several months as it is....and will now refine them even more. One of the kick-offs to our decision to closely examine and dramatically change how we eat was Amaris's food allergies...which I realized I had now posted about. So you shall hear it now.

After spending the morning of June 1 in the ER with Amaris treating her anaphylaxis-unknown cause at the time, we've gone through all sorts of research and allergy testing to determine that she is highly allergic to milk, eggs and peanuts (likely tree nuts as well).

People have mixed reactions to this news, but its safe to group them all into the general categories of "pity" and "shock." We have had our own reactions, of course, which I would place into the categories of "fear" and "amazement." Fear is obvious-I never want to have to rush Amaris to the ER again, for any reason. I am still rather petrified when I introduce a new food and she coughs or I see a potential red spot on her face, etc. It's much more difficult to decide to leave her with a babysitter or put her in any "mass" of kids because of how easily she could come in contact with one of the allergens. Fear is fear. I hate it, because it controls me more often than I would like. That reaction has diminished since we first learned of her condition, but at a very, very slow rate.

Amazement. Short story=Jonathan had a nutrition course in March that prompted us to aim for a primarily vegan diet. In case you don't know..."vegan" = NO animal products. No meat, no eggs, no dairy. We considered ourselves 80% vegans.....8 out of every 10 meals were animal-product free. We still enjoyed occasional pizza, ice cream, seafood. I bought cookbooks, learned new recipes, found reliable restaurants, etc. We were ok with omitting these things from our diet for health reasons. June 1 and subsequent events occur and we're suddenly much more than 80%. We still eat meat occasionally, and I am ok with that, but dairy and eggs are gone. Breastfeeding means my food becomes hers, so I had to completely eliminate all of the allergens from my diet. People wondered why we didn't just switch to soy formula (yuck) or said "Well at least you can eat what you want in a few months!". Our approach is to eat how Amaris must eat....because who on earth wants to make one meal for their kid and one meal for themselves...as well as have potentially deadly ingredients laying around the kitchen for a kid to accidentally get into. So, yay providence....we were prepared in advance for this switch, and it could not have been easier (unless we were lifetime vegans....).

That's the main update...I'll spare you my praise for Food Inc, though I think you should all watch it. No, it doesn't promote veganism, or even vegetarianism...just exposes the mess of the food industry and gives you insight on what you're eating. It's not going to make you puke (well, I guess it could...I didn't feel sick once, and I have a weak stomach, especially for animal blood and meat...which there's little of). If you like money, at all, or need it, at all, you must believe that this film's message is truth.

Good luck.Good night.

All-Nighters

This phrase used to have such a fun meaning back in middle school and high school. It brought to mind thoughts of fun parties with friends consisting of innocent games of truth-or-dare, movies, pizza, and ice cream that lasted into the early mornings hours. In college, an "all-nighter" looked a little bit more grim, generally describing a sleepless night of studying before final exams, or typing and hitting backspace a thousand times before completing a 40 page paper due in the morning and not yet started.

As an adult, the phrase "all-nighter" had all but dropped out of my vocabulary. Sure, there are late nights, long nights, middle-of-the-nights, and endless nights, none of which share the same previously discussed connotations of "all-nighters," at least in my personal dictionary.

The past 2 nights have revived the term. Saturday night, especially, kicked off the resurrection of the more negative "all-nighter" phrase. We've heard about these happening with babies and tried to ignore the stories and avoid working up a traumatic mental image of what this actually might look like. It's been 4 months, and we finally had our first "all-nighter" experience with Amaris.

Somehow, through this cold that she has had, she seems to have forgotten how to suck her thumb to sooth herself to sleep. This was a sensible decision on her part, because every time she sucks her thumb she struggles to breath due to her stuffy nose. Smart kid, learns quickly. However, now she has trouble putting herself to sleep at night, and back to sleep when she wakes up for some weirdo baby reason (they have millions I'm sure).

Saturday night began with her usual bedtime of 8pm . After a trip to her bedroom every 40 minutes, by 12:30 am we ended up in the living room with me sleeping on our usually cozy armchair and Jonathan on the couch, Amaris in my arms and me on duty to lull her back to sleep each time she awoke. Between 8-12:30 these trips involved responding to her crying by trying to sooth her with a pacifier, remind her of her thumb's magic, and finally picking her up, lulling her back to sleep, carefully laying her down and tip-toeing out of the room hoping she would stay put. The feeling of success came to an abrupt end within 35-40 minutes when she started screaming.

I'm sure being sick, her ears don't feel the greatest and she just feels awful overall, so if I was that small and could convince someone to put me to sleep in their arms instead of laying in a lonely bed, I would totally do the same thing. Props to you Amaris for knowing how to get what you want and sleep in ultimate comfort. On the other hand, please remember that you are one of the few mammals that is blessed with opposable thumbs, which in your case, are extremely useful for achieving peaceful sleep.

Anyhow, thankfully, it took us 4 months to experience these, and last night was a little bit better-at least we all slept in our respective beds and only woke up twice, so I think this problem will resolve itself soon. I'd like to put the word "all-nighter" back in my dictionary of retired words.

Keeping up

Our daughter is now 4 months old (well, tomorrow "officially") and we clearly suck at keeping up with the blog. I guess I got bored of posting "baby stats". Some days I have massive amounts of time to think through life and record excerpts of the flow of thoughts that passes through my brain, some days I barely have time to even identify what it is I'm thinking of. So it goes. I'm sure the whole world can relate.

In sticking to the title of this entry, "keeping up", I've been overwhelmed again and again with how much we live to keep up with some strange standard of "good" here in America. I'm sure it's everywhere, it's just that a more simple country's standard seems like vacation for us because it's so easy for us to attain their "standard" here. At any rate, the baby world is insanely excessive and competitive. These little humans could care less how they're dressed, how big they are, how many toys they have-well, as long as they're entertained-and the parents are psycho's about making sure their kid wins the silent competition of who's the biggest, cutest dressed baby on the block. I am entertained by Amaris's clothing of course, but it's just upsetting to me how quickly we get sucked into wanting or buying things that are really completely unnecessary just because it seems like the "norm." Sort of drives me nuts....mentally constantly filtering the needs from the wants-due-to-lack-of-analyzing-the-purpose. That was way too many hyphens.

This clearly isn't anything new, and I'd like to believe that most people have thought about this weird scenario before. Sadly I guess many people haven't, which is why it persists with such shameless force in our society. I'm just curious as to why we constantly choose to continue living the way we do even when we have repeated "revelations" about how silly it all is. It's funny how the pioneering spirit of America, the spirit of Individualism, all these things we patriotically brag about and claim to be the foundations of our country have essentially become sort of old school. The "rugged individuals" are now marginalized, to pursue something radically different than your suburban neighbors is essentially taboo because it might make them uncomfortable, and we don't have the energy to pioneer..it's much easier, and "practical" to take someone else's advice and follow their example.

I guess those people who moved out west before California was a state were considered renegades and idiots at first by their comfy colonial communities, too. It's just interesting that we now hail them as heroic pioneers. Most ironic of all, these "rugged individuals" set up camp in one of the places in our country that has a rather hypocritical claim to "individualism" LA, Hollywood, etc. Come "be yourself" but make sure you fit in. Wear your hair this way, clothes that way, make-up this way, body shape that way. Yikes. I still don't get how that all works out...how a culture founded on the freedom of art has become such a confining, pretentious and relatively shallow community. Analyzing films and books but not their own lives, being super proactive about animal rights and human rights but not trying to figure out if they're actually doing what is right. I guess that sounds harsh...and is. And obviously it's a very generalized statement that in no way applies to every person in California or the west, or New York or whatever. I just don't understand how a community that supposedly appreciates diversity inadvertently puts pressure on the rest of society to maintain a very specific-albeit unrealistic and unnatural-appearance and presence. People live to "keep up" with the fashion, the real estate, and the youthful mask of celebrities without giving a second thought to the sense behind it. Weird. In the suburbs, it also translates into keeping your kids up to speed with those things, even if they don't care.

Again, nothing new...it's just been bothering me lately as I consider how we raise Amaris-especially as a female in a country where you're encouraged to be "yourself" but make sure you're beautiful, thin, and "successful" while doing so. I can't stand the fact that I feel sort of weird and worried about how we will explain to people that we don't plan on celebrating Christmas by buying her gifts, and aren't going to throw her a princess birthday party at Sweet 'n' Sassy-geez I don't even think I'd want her to attend a party there. Somehow we are stuck trying to explain why we don't think it's necessary to follow everyone else's lead, and parents will look at us strangely, even get angry with us, for challenging their way of life, no matter how quietly we try to explain it.

Ok that is all. This is long and likely boring. Hopefully it doesn't come across all prideful and judging. It really is just a mess of what's on my mind as I consider the impressionable mold of Amaris's mind, and how I am overwhelmingly responsible for shaping it.

and she is huge

halloween

modeling a new outfit


directing an orchestra


a day at the spa (well, her little whale bathtub anyway)

So Amaris has gained 3lbs and grown 2 inches since her 1 week check in. She likes to eat, what can I say? She's doing really well...has her days, but for the most part, is a good little baby. From the start she was going 3 hours between feedings at night, and now she's doing anywhere from 4-6 first, and then 3-4 hours from there on out. So we're feeling more rested these days, though she's WIDE AWAKE nearly all day, and ends up quite fussy at some point because she's overstimulated and often boycotts naps. She looks like she's taking in everything she can, which shouldn't be too much at this point, but she's determined to watch soccer games, ice skating and skiing on tv whether she can see it completely or not. She loves meeting new people-forget napping when new people are around...she just wants to sit there and listen to everything they have to say. She has smiled at Jonathan several times, and smiled when she heard Nani's (my mom) voice on the phone, but for me? NOoooo...just associates me with milk right now apparently. Which is a nice association, we all love food, but I hope to be a human instead of a cow to her one day soon and receive some gracious smiles. Sure would make it easier to hack the frowning days.

Anyhow, her nap (YES, she napped, a rare gem of an event during the day) is about to end and I will be called upon for food, so that's all for now.

to clear things up about the name "onyn" (notice, NOT spelled onAn)

just so you all know, if we had a boy and named it ONYN, it is quite different than the biblical name of ONAN. does not mean anything nasty. its turkish and means "prosperous". recently i've learned that many people were under the impression that our boy name was the same thing as the crappy biblical name of onAN. so.......though you're all quite relieved that amaris came along instead of onyn, just wanted you to know were not THAT stupid and wouldn't name the kid something with a poor meaning. sorry, slightly offended that it seems everyone thinks these things and no one asks us about them directly. GLAD we had a girl or apparently the entire world would think were thoughtless parents...

pics and updates

These are some initial pics of Amaris Helen. Lounge time with daddy (soccer game of course)...at birth in the hospital...all bundled up in the hospital..and weighing in at a hearty 8lbs 15oz (they round up apparently). It takes FOREVER to upload pics to this blog, so they may not be in abundance. Facebook is much faster.

At any rate...current updates...all is well really. She's doing quite well breast feeding, despite the annoyance of over-full breasts, yay. She's quite easily contented so far, for the most part-especially if she's sitting in her little vibrating infant seat. Those things work magic for awhile (until true hunger or some other valid discomfort takes over). The cats are adjusting, some more easily than others. Mommy and daddy are having fun learning what on earth to do to take care of our little Padawan Learner (and yes, still citing Star Wars)-actually, speaking of Star Wars, a principle in Jedi training has come in quite handy for helping us to keep our sanity. Anikan Skywalker is constantly warned throughout his training to not think of the future, but to live in the present. Thinking of the future can lead to fear, which is the path to the "Dark Side." I definitely subscribe to this motto. This is a time when the "future" is something Jonathan and I can't quite even grasp-not only because today holds enough for us to try to understand and experience, but also because in difficult moments fear does take over, or discouragement or whatever. Of course, we can think of fun times to come when she smiles on purpose instead of involuntarily, and she starts to see the world and ask questions...all of those things. But otherwise, yea, those Jedi are smart. Stay away from fear of the unknown, the unpromised, the possible but not probable, all of these things. Then I guess we can add the biblical principle of thinking on things that are lovely and true, pure,noble, good, etc...and casting cares on the Lord instead of getting overwhelmed by what we feel we can't handle.

sorry, inpromptu speech on how we're handling the trademark stresses of not getting much sleep and trying to learn this new way of living and satisfying someone who can't quite talk or clearly communicate. It's going well...pray for our persistence and energy of course.

That's all for now...Padawan has decided it's time to eat.

If you want the details of how it all went down...

I'm so amazed at how God works outside of our expectations and creates better situations than what we can imagine for ourselves. When they told me I was scheduled for induction, I was glad the end was in sight but sort of upset. The anticipation of the surprise moment when labor begins is just fun...and even though we had gone through the week of being past-due and were becoming almost indifferent to "waiting", we were still sort of disappointed that there would be no surprise and we had an official date set for this birth. Turns out, I'm SO GLAD it worked out this way. We got to enjoy our last night "alone" together Monday and Tuesday morning as actually fun...waking up knowing what was going to happen that day. Plus, I think it put me in a sort of "surrender" mode and made me much more flexible. I wasn't "set" on a natural delivery...just wanted to see how far I could go naturally and experience the pain because well, it's just part of it right? Knowing I was to be given pitocin I had mentally prepared to have an epidural because I knew there was a possibility for some unnaturally intense contractions, at least from what I had heard. My docs turned out to have a great perspective on inductions-take it super slow and don't create an artificially intense situation. At any rate, I was much more open to, actually was counting on, the epidural, instead of being determined to hold it off as long as possible.

My nurse was superfantastic, I had met her earlier in the week actually during some non-stress testing. Had the perfect balance of historically working with midwives but bridging over to the hospital setting, so she was a great match. Pitocin started at 815 am and progress, regarding dilating, was pretty slow until they broke my water around 1-1:30 (I think this is what time it was???). Throughout the morning I was allowed to do yoga, sit on a birthing ball, walk around as far as my cords would let me, etc. We worked and breathed through contractions as they grew. Contraction just before water breaking was minor....contraction immediately following water breaking was ridiculously more intense. So crazy. They say that's what happens...I just wouldn't have believed how drastic the change was without experiencing it for myself. They just got increasingly intense from then on, and rapidly...the monitor just looked like a bunch of waves with no breaks in between. They dropped my pitocin level, which was already very conservative, but by then I had realized that I was not interested in going through this pain for what could potentially be several hours. Since things had been moving slowly all morning, I figured I could go on like this until late that night, which just didn't seem sustainable for me. I was already on IV because of pitocin so I opted to try Statol (no idea if that is spelled correctly) first, which was supposed to "take the edge off." Well, I felt like I was half asleep, which was sort of entertaining, but it doesn't do much to help with pain from contractions. They intensified and I decided to call in for an epidural since the anesthesiologist isn't always available right away. Fortunately, she came up within like 20 minutes. The Statol was a great help here..I HATE needles. I've always dreaded an epidural, even when I said I was never having kids. The statol had me so drugged up in the head that it took away the anxiety and allowed me to just focus on my breathing to steady myself through contractions while they did the epidural. Again, the nurse was amazingly helpful here, and the whole process went off without a hitch, even through some major contractions.

The drugs took a bit to kick in, and then they had to add more here and there because it wasn't working in one spot (not a huge deal, but I figured hey, you wanna fix it and make me comfortable, go right ahead!), but wow..am I glad I decided to do that. Went from the pain of contractions to being able to relax a bit and just putting up with constant shaking. I got the epidural around maybe 3ish? I was 4 cm dilated at that point. They checked me at 5 and I was 9cm. Guess that's why they had to beef up the epidural dose...transition happened nearly immediately and I am sure I would have lost my mind in pain if I hadn't have gotten the drugs right then. It was really the only window of opportunity I guess in retrospect. My doc came in at 530, declared me 10cm dilated, and we started the pushing around 545ish....after a few minutes of "practice" pushing, I figured I may as well give it all I had and use my fitness to get this baby out ASAP! Jonathan got to help out by holding one of my legs/feet, which he was glad for. 25 minutes of hard pushing later, Amaris showed up and amazed the world with her unanticipated size-and sex.

All in all....again, I cannot complain. No screaming , yelling, freaking out-before or after the drugs kicked in. Everyone was calm and helpful. What an amazingly smooth pregnancy and delivery, and so far, awesome recovery. God is gracious. And now we have this "little" girl...I said when we came into the hospital a girl was my prediction, my doc said the same. But it was still a shock to learn that this baby was, in fact, a girl. The "odds were against" such a thing..from 25 years with no girls born on my maternal side, to 3 out of the 4 new Ruiz family babies being boys, it was pretty surprising to have a "she" show up. I think the moms (grandmoms) were pleased to not have to deal with the name "Onyn." Just wasn't meant to be!

Anyhow..time to go prepare to go home. Quite ready for that, this room is a boring place after so many hours. Ug. And its pretty exciting to be taking home our little "Padawan" (sorry, we are in a serious Star Wars phase right now...) and beginning new life as a family of 3 instead of 2 and having a human baby instead of only cats. Thanks so much, everyone, for all of your support and for sharing in our joy. Seriously, much of our own joy comes from seeing how excited everyone else gets and how a little baby lights up the world for everyone around her. It's a wild thing. If you're in the area and want to stop and meet Amaris definitely go for it. Maybe we'll try to keep up blogging again now that we'll have more exciting pictures and stories than "oh we're still waiting." !